SOME random thoughts, in no particular order:

* A few months back, for want of anything more exciting in my life, I decided to grow a beard. After three weeks there was a sturdy growth of grey and silver. Mostly grey. I thought it made me look reasonably distinguished, even if only from a distance.

Then I ran into my sister. We hadn't seen each other for several weeks. "God, you're looking really rough," she said, her voice edged with genuine concern. "Have you been ill? You've aged a lot since I last saw you." The beard came off that night, in double-quick time.

Now, too late, I read that men all feel under threat from other men and that growing a beard is our attempt to appear as aggressive and dominant as possible.

I'm not in a position to argue with the kind of scientific study that came up with this finding but I'm guessing that 'aggressive and dominant' applies more to the many young hipsters who currently sport luxurious beards than to middle-aged guys who unwisely chose to advertise their advancing years by means of facial hair.

I mentioned this yesterday to a colleague who not only wears his beard with a fair degree of unselfconscious elan but also aggressively asserts his reputation as the least aggressive and dominant bloke in the office. "I just grew this to hide a double chin," he said flatly.

* It must be nice, sometimes, to be able to switch off, especially when it comes to general election campaigns. Joey Essex, the reality star, has never hidden his lack of political knowledge - it was only about a week ago that he apparently found out who the Prime Minister was. Yesterday he attended a speech by Nick Clegg while filming his TV series Educating Joey Essex, and didn't make a terribly good job of hiding his boredom: he fidgeted, he yawned. He thought Clegg's party was called the Liberal Demo-cats. The Joey Method: simply put, a great way of getting through the next month or so.

* A press release arrived from a pizza chain yesterday, advertising "the world's first driverless pizza delivery vehicle." Place an order and your location is tracked by an onboard GPS, which allows the vehicle to determine the most efficient delivery route. I rang the company, keen to get further details, and was on hold before noticing that the story was embargoed to one midnight past midnight today. April Fool's Day, in other words. I quietly replaced the receiver before I could make an idiot of myself.