OUR stories about the lack of religion at Christmas reminds David Martin:
"I was on a bus in Dundee and heard two girls catching up on Christmas presents. 'My Mum's got wee Joe an activity centre,' one told the other. Obviously thinking of the Nativity scene, the other replied, 'I didnae think yir Mum wis religious,' only to be reassured, 'No, no the kind o' activity centre wi' the baby Jesus, the kind wi' hammers and things.'"
An icy encounter
A READER out for a meal in Glasgow heard the young lady at the next table, obviously not a fan of an entire glass of ice, ask the waiter: "Diet Coke please - but with very little ice."
There was clearly a bit of a misunderstanding as the waiter came back with an ice cube on a spoon and said: "We don't have any ice cubes smaller than this."
Sub-editor's in a jam
A READER in California sends us a cutting from the Los Angeles Times about an articulated lorry overturning on the freeway in the San Gabriel Valley, blocking lanes in both directions. The sub-editor must have been having fun as the headline reads: "Big rig carrying fruit crashes on 210 Freeway, creates jam."
A memorable introduction
AMONG the acts appearing at a charity concert in Glasgow's Oran Mor last week was laconic New York singer Jesse Malin, who has duetted with Bruce Springsteen. Mike Ritchie still remembers the memorable remark by Jesse when he last appeared in Glasgow at a sell-out King Tut's show and introduced his bass player as "standing back there in the shadows like a New York hooker waiting to stab you".
Curry on luggage
AWARD-winning owner of the Taj Tandoori restaurant in Prestwick, Bobby Singh, has been humbled by the help of customers who turned up to carry damaged equipment and debris out of the premises after an extractor fan caught fire and badly damaged the Taj. He hopes to reopen next week which will be good news for a customer from Australia who pops in when he is over in Scotland on business. He then leaves with two specially packed carry-out curries which he carefully conceals in his luggage - one to eat in his Dubai hotel en route to Oz and the second to share with his family Down Under.
One wonders about the Oz sniffer dogs as they've never caught him.
Eagle-eyed flyer
OUR mention of pilots' conversations reminds Alastair Bale in Giffnock of the retired captain who told him of once taking off from a coastal airport, and at about 16,000 feet remarking to his first officer: "That ship down there is hove to."
To which the first officer replied: "Good grief, can you read that from here?"
The dutiful game
FOOTBALL cliches continued. Says Jim Meikle: "The one which makes me smile is where the home team are said to be entertaining the visiting team. For instance, 'today at Parkhead Celtic will be entertaining Aberdeen' conjures up a vision of the Celtic squad serving up Bovril and mutton pies, whilst going through a song and dance act for the delectation of their guests."
End of the road
A COLLEAGUE wanders over to distract us by stating: "I saw a street crossing patrol lady going down the street with a blank lollipop.
"I had to put a stop to that."
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