A GLASGOW reader swears to us he was in a bar in Finnieston when the peace and quiet was shattered by a gaggle of women arriving and demanding drink after attending a Michael Buble concert in the nearby Hydro arena.
They all wanted served at once so the under-pressure barman shouted out: "Right, let's do this the easy way. Oldest first."
Suddenly, says our reader, you could have heard a pin drop.
Wise words
HELPING to find some laughs in the Scottish referendum is Still Game's Greg Hemphill who plays First Minister Alex Salmond, alongside Greg Wise as PM David Cameron, in Radio 4's afternoon play on Friday, Dividing the Nation. We liked Greg Wise's response when asked if he had a future career playing Mr Cameron. "I might have to give up my membership of the Labour Party - but you can play Macbeth without wanting to kill your opponent's children and ravage the country."
New spin for Bowie
EVENTS in Ukraine continue to occupy people's minds. As an English reader phones to tell us: "Do you think if you vote for independence in Scotland that the UK Government will have little choice but to occupy Glasgow in order to protect the English-speaking minority?"
Or, as someone else mused: "Has David Bowie arrived in Kiev yet to tell Crimea to 'stay with us'?"
Match made in heaven
PEOPLE were genuinely shocked and saddened by the sudden death of union leader Bob Crow, seeing it as the end of the firebrand style of union leadership. As actor David Schneider said with affection: "I predict improved conditions for angels in heaven within six months."
Racing line
THE Cheltenham Festival has begun with a fine week of top-class racing expected. A reader was making a donation in a Glasgow bookies yesterday when he heard one punter tell his pal after the Handicap Chase: "Thanks for the tip on Holywell." The horse after all had come in at a very welcoming 10-1. The punter then added: "Can you give me any tips on how to quit now that I'm ahead."
We will mark the rest of Cheltenham with your racehorse stories if you could send them to us.
Pitching camp
A Helensburgh reader sees The Herald front-page headline "No camp big guns make case to give more power to Holyrood" and wonders why their sexuality should matter.
Warding off women
INEVITABLY our story about dating a radiologist provoked entertainer Andy Cameron into polishing up an old gem and telling us: "Years ago I was winching a nurse from the X-ray department at Glasgow Royal Infirmary and when I asked her why she was dumping me she said it was because she could see right through me. But I was quite glad because I started dating her sister from Callander who was an anaesthetist - she knocked me out!"
We fear more dating stories to arrive.
Chug along
A COLLEAGUE wanders over to tell us what he was up to at the weekend. "Want to be invisible to other people?" he stated. "Just stand in the doorway of a supermarket holding a charity collecting can."
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