DAVID McLetchie, the former Scots Tory leader who has sadly died, always had a dry sense of humour.

When he was questioned about the then Westminster Tory leader William Hague's assertion that he drank 14 pints of beer a day as a youth, David replied: "Well you have to remember it was English beer."

Helpful remark

INCIDENTALLY, after The Herald ran a story about him complaining in the Scottish Parliament about 437 addresses in Scotland where ambulance crews have to call for police protection, a former Tory election candidate told us: "That is about one-tenth of the number of addresses where a Tory supporter would need police protection."

Relative danger

AFTER our tale about the children's TV programme having the animal characters Joaby and Skitter, a former English teacher in Ayrshire tells us: "I thought that award-winning English writer Michael Morpurgo's novel A Medal for Leroy would suit my junior classes in secondary school. However, on reading the book to assess its literary credentials, I discovered that one of the hero's relatives was affectionately know as 'Aunt Pish'.

"In an Ayrshire secondary school there's simply no way back from that."

Nervous reaction?

THE course of true love doesn't always run smoothly. A reader on a bus heard a young man say to the young lady with him, who was concentrating on her mobile: "You're always on your phone."

Without looking up, she replied: "You're always on ma nerves."

Trouble with inflation

MEANWHILE at the Edinburgh Fringe, Harry Deansway's debut show Wrong Way, at The Pleasance, got off to a memorable start when he got his leg trapped between the stage lights and his blow-up igloo prop. Wrestling for five minutes to free his leg, his cries of "this is not part of the show" fell on deaf ears as the audience assumed it was indeed part of the show. When he did manage to pull his leg free he accidentally severed a cable which put on the strobe lights automatically.

The audience was so delighted he has tried to recreate the accident every night since, but to no avail.

Some mistake?

OUR story about the Stakis restaurant waitress reminded David Stubley in Prestwick: "I had a summer job from university delivering fruit and vegetables, and one Friday morning I delivered five boxes of mushrooms to a steak house. They called on Saturday to say there was a worm infestation and to take them back.

"Monday morning I picked up one box of mushrooms which was indeed crawling with worms, but when I asked for the other four I was told that they had been used on Saturday night. I guess there was not enough protein in the steaks."

Tools for the job

STAFF at BBC Scotland have been left bemused by an invitation to something called "Scotland's Referendum Connected Studio Event". The invite explains it's all about delivering "new elements of functionality and engagement tools", and identifying "innovative ways in which open data sets can be used for storytelling". Says a BBC member of staff: "It goes on to say - helpfully - that we must avoid lingo and jargon 'at all costs', prompting some to wonder if the writer was being ironic."

No-shows

A LATE edition to our unusual band names. Says a reader: "I used to be in a band called Gig Cancelled.

"We didn't get big crowds."