AS ithers see us.

Dappered, the American website about stylish clothing, has brought out a guide to visiting Glasgow for American tourists which explains: "Navy blazers are associated with school children's uniforms. They're generally not worn by adults in Glasgow. White or beige khaki pants - nope. The rain, mud, and general grime of the city will stain these suckers faster than spilled coffee on white linen. Leather soles - also no. The streets and pavements are rough on shoes and the constant rain doesn't help. Stick with rubber soles.

"Wear black. Black is Glasgow's go-to color."

Mind you, as I don't have a navy blazer and white khakis, they might be on to something.

Labour exchange

THE SCOTTISH Labour Party has recently moved its headquarters to Sycamore House in Bath Street where the directory on the ground floor wall indicates that the Labour Party shares a floor with the Bad Idea Organisation. Or as a visitor to the offices asked: "Are we sure they are separate organisations?"

Seeing double

ROBIN Gilmour spots in the FA Cup in England's preliminary round results that Larkhall Athletic were beaten 7-0 by Gosport Borough. He wondered if the Lanarkshire town's historic love of the Union had made it enter the English cup competition. But we suspect there might be two Larkhalls, whether that fills you with foreboding or not.

X-rated warning

LATEST internet news is that online security firm McAfee has warned that 15 per cent of online searches for X Factor judge Cheryl (formerly) Cole will take you to malicious websites. "Even more worrying" says a reader, "is that 85 per cent of searches could take you to downloads of her music."

Throwaway line

SPEAKING from personal knowledge, a Busby reader tells us, with a certain amount of annoyance in his voice: "Encourage your neighbours to have a clearout by leaving a skip outside your house."

Sobering thought

SOME folk are staying "Sober for October" either to give their livers a rest before the Christmas and New Year onslaught, or to raise money for charity. Our favourite quote about staying sober came from Scots actor Craig Ferguson who explained: "I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.'"

Or as one chap was heard in Glasgow: "Am no doin' Sober October. Am saving masel for Canny Remember December."

Does anyone have amusing tales about remaining sober that they would wish to pass on?

Clooney clues

REACTION to that celebrity wedding. "Nice try, Clooney," said the chap in the Glasgow pub the other night. "Wedding? I know a casino heist when I see one."

Hold the front page

READER Paul Drury, on holiday in France, spots the French magazine Point Du Vue and tells us: "There will be no purring on the magazine's news desk. The latest issue carries the landmark front-page headline under a grand Highland portrait of Her Maj, which reads, 'Elizabeth II, the Last Queen of Scotland'.

"The magazine was published on September 17."