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Backhanded compliment

GREAT scenes in Aberdeen yesterday where thousands turned up to see the city's football club parade the League Cup through the streets. A Celtic fan in Glasgow came up with the biting backhanded compliment while watching the scenes on his local's telly: "Some turn out frae the Aberdeen fans... imagine the turnout if they'd won something decent."

Highlanders' fling

OUR mention of the manic dancing at the Highlanders' Institute in Glasgow reminds Forbes Corrigan in Barrhead: "As a teenager I asked a lovely girl at the Highlanders for a Strip the Willow. As our speed increased, she simply slipped from my grasp and her head hit one of the mirrors, breaking it. She was carted off and I was left staring at a slice of mirror.

"The dancers never halted, so I tried to make the scene safe, and as I moved the mirror it took a slice from my finger, blood gushing everywhere. The Western casualty department was busy, so I nursed my finger home to Clydebank. If you're out there hen, I'm so very sorry."

Any more tales from the HI?

The party line

WE asked for your lighter moments in the independence debate, and a reader tells us: "My anti-Tory mate told me that David Cameron begging Scots to stay in the UK is a bit like when someone posh says at a boring party, 'stay, we're going to play charades later'."

Colour coding

THERE have also been claims

of the Union flag being used a

lot more as a subliminal message in the run-up to the referendum. Says reader Iain Stuart: "I was on an East Coast train where the on on-board food menu listed under cheeses 'Isle of White Blue' . All we need was red cheddar and we'd have the whole Unionist set."

Fitting remark

SHOPPING in a Glasgow south side supermarket, a reader heard

an annoyed mother tell her son:

"Stop picking your nose!" But

the little lad replied: "So why did

they make nostrils the same size

as fingers?"

The time is right

TALKING of youngsters, a

Motherwell reader saw that the

little boy next door had been given a watch for his birthday which he was proudly wearing. So our reader says to him: "What's the time?" The little one looked at his watch and replied: "It's right now," which our reader couldn't really fault.

Punch drunk

SAD to hear of the death of TV chef Clarissa Dickson Wright. We

recall Clarissa, a terrible drunk

for many years before joining

AA, explaining that she once

punched a policeman when she

was drunk-driving a car as she

thought that if she was arrested for that, she wouldn't then be breathalysed over her driving.

Said Clarissa: "The policeman,

with a swelling black eye, asked

me what he should tell his

wife. I replied, 'Say it was another woman', which he found so funny

that he didn't charge me with the assault."

Weighty matter

Dieting is always difficult. A Milngavie reader tells us her pal was complaining that she had two eggs for breakfast. "There's only 150 calories in an egg," our reader told her.

"Not when they're Cadbury's," her pal replied.

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