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Bearing fruit?

CELTIC have agreed a three-year shirt sponsorship deal with Irish cider company Magners.

"Made from apples," said an optimistic Celtic fan. "So does a bottle of Magners count towards my five-a-day?"

Pull over, there ...

WILLIAM McFadzean directs us to the newsletter of Solway Coast golf club Colvend, which has put a ban on jumpers at the course.

Nothing to do with ill-judged Christmas knitwear, although there is probably a case for that too. It's just they say golf courses would benefit from members not jumping to conclusions, jumping on bandwagons, or jumping down your throat.

Z marks the spot?

READER Ross McKay is disappointed that the various redesign suggestions for Glasgow's George Square do not include a version of the crashed cars and hundreds of people fleeing from zombies which had a trial run last year when they filmed Brad Pitt's horror film World War Z in the square.

We fondly recall the council cleaner who had left the council offices in Cochrane Street, not realising they were filming. When the extras ran screaming into George Square she decided, like any decent Glaswegian, to leg it with them rather than stop to find out why they were running. When she went to apologise for ruining the scene she was told she looked convincing as a terrified Philadelphian running from zombies, and that there was no need to reshoot.

A Nessie city?

KIRSTY Buchanan in Cambridge tells us about her sister and her English pal taking a trip to Loch Lomond. Explains Kirsty: "They said it was lovely, the scenery was beautiful and they had a great time. They had even spent time sitting on the shore looking for the Loch Ness Monster but to no avail.

"I looked from one earnest face to the other and didn't know who to break it to first."

No fare ...

STRANGE occurrences at bus stops, continued. A reader tells us she stuck out her hand to stop a bus on Maryhill Road. A cyclist just in front of the bus shouted over his shoulder at her: "Sorry. I've only the one seat."

TV tomes

A DAFT competition to while away a dull January day? Some folk on Twitter have been changing one letter in a TV show title to make it more interesting. Such as America's Next Top Yodel. Or the programme about a retired gangster – Cosh in the Attic. Or the perceptive Mock the Weak. Or our favourite – Fawlty Towels. Any others?

Page-turner

LEGENDARY guitarist Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin fame celebrated his birthday yesterday. Reader Jim Evans asks: "Now that he's 69, has he changed the title of that jolly Led Zep song to Stairlift to Heaven?"

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