HALLOWE'EN of course last week and Andy Cumming was on a Glasgow train when a Zombie showed the ticket inspector his rail pass.
"How do I know this is you?" asked the suspicious ticket chap.
And many pubs and clubs in the city held Hallowe'en-themed nights at the weekend. Which is why Rebecca Cameron in Glasgow tweeted early yesterday morning: "Just seen people doing the walk of shame in their Hallowe'en costumes. Perks of being up at this time."
Wise men from the east
THE Rev Ian Elston was thinking ahead to Christmas services when his computer spell-checker changed the gifts of the Wise Men to "golf, frankincense and myrrh".
"So the Dan Brown style stories of St Andrew being taught the game by Our Lord and taking it to a corner of Fife may have a ring of truth to them," he ponders.
Novel thinking
A Bearsden Diary fan notes the advertisement on Amazon for the new Kindle Paperwhite e-book reader which it describes as: "Lighter than most tablets. Comfortably hold Kindle Paperwhite in one hand for long reading sessions."
"Just like a book then," says our man.
Uplifting
DAFT gag from the weekend? James Martin tells us: "Those push-up bras don't work. Bought one for my girlfriend, and she can still only manage 10 or so before her arms get tired."
That's the spirit
GLASGOW City Council wants to change licensing laws so that pubs which have an early-morning license for shift workers, will no longer be able to sell alcohol with food from eight in the morning. It seems most of the clientele at that time are either retired or unemployed rather than horny-handed sons of toil.
A Scotstoun reader tells us: "Someone told me they went into one of these pubs hoping to acquire an early morning pint. Knowing that to get that early drink he also had to buy some food, he asked the barman to serve him a 'ghost breakfast' with his pint.
"'Aye, no bother' came the barman's reply, ' where are you theoretically sitting?'"
Your number's up
"WHY are you so sensitive about your age?" a woman on a night out with pals in a Glasgow pub asked her friend.
"No I'm not," her pal replied.
"Then why did you tell the guy chatting to you at the bar that you were 39 and 12 months?"
Deep trouble
"IS the new Herald Diary book in the shops yet?" a reader anxiously asks us. Just published in time for Christmas we were able to reply. It includes the story of the speeding driver stopped in Glasgow who was asked to sit in the back of the police car, and as it was very wet, the cop told him: "Watch your feet in that puddle."
A few days later the officer was asked by his chief inspector about a complaint that he had ordered a motorist to wash his feet in a puddle before getting in the police car.
Small steps
WE ask a colleague how his dance lessons are going. "Not really progressing with my waltz," he tells us. "I feel as if I'm taking two steps forward and one step back."
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