THE acts for January's Celtic Connections music festival in Glasgow have been announced, but before they were revealed, the organisers posted on Facebook:
"Let us know who you are hoping to see in the line-up". Music lovers responded with many suggestions, apart from one who replied: "I want lots of people I can't abide. The last Celtic Connections cost me a fortune."
All at sea
THE paddle steamer Waverley is returning to Glasgow after a short season on England's south coast. Jane Ann Liston from St Andrews saw the vessel in Southend at the weekend, where she heard a small boy ask: "Why is it called Waverley? Is it because people wave?"
The little lad's father, clearly not a fan of Sir Walter Scott, did what most fathers do, and presented a guess as fact. "No," he replied, "It's the name of the man who built that kind of boat."
Cup that jeers
AN English reader phones after the football the other night to tell us: "You Scots are taking this independence thing a bit too far. Now you won't even come to the World Cup finals with us."
There was also some helpful information from Scottish-based online turf accountant McBookie which told customers: "England are 20/1 to win the World Cup in Brazil this summer. For those who don't understand odds, that means if you put on £1, you will lose £1."
Food for thought
POLITICS, and the number of people using food banks has tripled in a year. Steve Letford tells us: "If the popularity of food banks keeps increasing at this rate, it won't be long before the Government sells them off at a loss."
STAFF at the BBC newsroom in Glasgow were trying to track down a spokeswoman from the RSPB reserve at Loch Leven to do an interview. But they got an automatic reply to their email, which read: "I am out looking for woodland elves this morning. I will reply as soon as I can." Our man at the Beeb said it was normally his colleagues at Pacific Quay who were away with the fairies.
SCOTS actor Alan Cumming was a riot in the National Theatre of Scotland's production of ancient Greek dramatist Euripides's The Bacchae a few years back. So we think it's an appropriate end to our five-word jokes with Jim Hair proposing: "Euripides? No, just worn through."
Yes a bit of a boom-boom moment there. Thanks to all who submitted suggestions.
OUR mention of the former Rannoch School reunion dinner on November 2 reminds Alastair Cherry in Kent of when he had to share the Sunday evening service at Rannoch with the school chaplain. Says Alastair: "I started my address at five to seven and at seven o'clock precisely the pupils' clock alarms went off - they habitually smuggled the clocks in with them in a ploy they tried on all visiting chaplains, usually ruining a perfectly good talk.
"I merely stopped speaking 'til the noise stopped, told them: 'Let me recap on what I was saying' and I went back to the beginning, which meant they had to listen to it all again."
A WHIMSICAL reader phones the Diary to announce: "Just said 'boo' to a goose. Don't see what all the fuss is about."
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