STRANGE excuses, continued.

When Phil Cairney was a teacher in Pollok he had a registration class first thing in the morning.

One girl arrived late and Phil wanted to know why. She told him: "I was dreaming about Celtic."

"Why would that make you late?" asked a baffled Phil.

"The game went into extra time, sir," came the reply.

Curry with a bite

ON Wednesday we ran an item, about croc and kangaroo on an Australia restaurant menu, that began: "They do things differently in Australia."

Too right, cobber, says Russell Smith, who tells us about a curry he once had in Oz. It was listed simply as "Bloody good curry". "For the record," says Russell, "it turned out to be lamb."

In reverse

PROFESSOR Christopher Harvie contacts us to share a couple of fond memories of the esteemed BBC broadcaster John Milne, who died on Monday. "John was a master of the one-liner," he says.

In 1987 John produced Grasping the Thistle for the late Ken Cargill's Scotland 2000 series on the country's future.

"We ended up on that Whicker Island outside Westminster where commentators endlessly interview politicians. He eyed the Palace and said, 'Y'know, this place is like Doctor Who's Tardis in reverse. Once you get inside, it's smaller'."

Silence not so golden

JOHn Milne once worked in Berne, with the Swiss Broadcasting Corporation. Professor Harvie says: "He found out that the famous storyteller, Alistair MacLean, lived not far off in Geneva.

"John later told us, 'I might get a series out of this, I thought, until I met him. We were lucky to stretch it to 10 minutes'. "John did laconic brilliantly but MacLean was the master of silence."

Give us peace

MIKE Ritchie alerts us to the Texan singer-songwriter Steve Earle, whose two Scottish dates this summer include one at Glasgow Kelvingrove Bandstand.

Earle once said his mentor and friend, the late Townes Van Zandt, had given him a copy of War and Peace to read, which Earle dutifully did.

When he returned it to Van Zandt, he asked him when he had read it.

Van Zandt replied: "Hell, I haven't read it, I just thought that you should."

Uniform displeasure

WHAT is it about the Commonwealth Games and the change.org petitioning website?

A petition to stop the Red Road flats being demolished during the opening ceremony attracted 17,000 signatures. That figure has apparently been dwarfed by the numbers seeking to prevent the use of Jilli Blackwood's Scotland 2014 uniform. Yesterday the tally stood at more than 27,000.

Kit's downfall

THANKS, by the way, to readers, including David Donaldson, who point out that the uniform has received the ultimate accolade: it has become the latest subject to be spoofed by the Hitler/Downfall internet meme.

For the uninitiated, the parodies take as their starting-point a wild rant by Hitler in the 2004 film, Downfall. The uniform one is worth checking out, especially for the moment when a furious Hitler tells his uneasy subordinates: "Anyone who agrees turquoise, fuchsia, navy and caramel is unacceptable on a kilt can leave now."