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Fond farewell

TAKE The High Road and Balamory actress Mary Riggans has died at the age of 78.

Former Taggart star Colin McCredie fondly recalls that Mary always used to call her admirers "Herooties". This was because whenever they spotted Mary in the street, they would cry: "There's her oot ae Take the High Road!"

Funny money

SCOTLAND has slipped down the international league table of pupils being good at mathematics, according to news stories yesterday. A Newlands reader said it reminded her of being in a shop recently buying some items which came to £12.74 and handing over a £20 note. When the assistant announced that there had been a power cut and that her till was not working so she could not work out the change, our reader told her: "It's £7.26."

"How do you know that?" asked the shopgirl suspiciously.

Free post

A SOUTH side reader heard a pensioner at the bus stop the other day tell her pal that she was going to spend a day next week going round the city by bus to hand-deliver her Christmas cards. With astute logic she explained: "With stamps now 50p, and the bus for free, it will save me a fortune."

Festive bleatings

TALKING of Christmas cards, Gwyneth Campbell in Banton, Lanarkshire, tells us: "While shopping for cards in a department store in Glasgow, I overheard one woman say to her friend, 'Look, they are even bringing religion into Christmas now' as she brandished a card with a Nativity scene on the front."

Pub humour

WE stumble across a website asking readers for intellectual jokes. It included the Roman going into a bar and asking for a Martinus. "Don't you mean Martini?" said the barman. "If I wanted a double I'd have asked for one," he replied.

No T in team

SCOTTISH women's rugby team Rugby Ecosse set off yesterday to defend the title they won last year on the Caribbean island of Tobago. There are no team T-shirts this year as the players didn't like last year's which stated: "No helmets. No padding. Just balls".

Laughing in the air

PILOTS continued. Says Jim Hair: "Thought I would remind you of the very old story of the pilot who was asked to confirm his height and position by an air traffic controller. He paused for a few seconds before replying that he was five foot eight, and was sitting at the front."

And Tom Hamilton recalls flying back to Glasgow from an especially hot and sunny Palma when the captain came on the intercom to announce after flying through heavy cloud: "Welcome to Glasgow where the weather is (long pause and sigh) ... Scottish."

The big day

CAPITAL Radio DJ Des Clarke is taking part in the Santa Dash this Sunday to raise money for the Prince and Princess of Wales Hospice in Glasgow, and discovered that the Santa suit he'd been given was for someone with a far fuller figure.

After trying it on he admitted: "I look like the 'after' Santa in a WeightWatchers advert." He added: "We're all used to seeing guys doing a mad dash around Glasgow at this time of year. Though that's usually just panic-buying presents for their other half."

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