PAUL Hartley being appointed Dundee manager reminds an east-coast reader of when Aberdeen were looking for a manager and a number of names were being touted.
"He was a manager of the month" argued one fan, backing his favourite. "Only when he worked at McDonald's," was the terse reply from his mate.
Nice line in grammar
WE asked for school punishments other than the belt, and Neil MacNaughton recalls: "I was a pupil at Girvan Academy in the 1960s. I was reprimanded for eating in the corridors and was told to write 500 times 'I must not masticate in the corridor'.
"It certainly cured me of the habit."
And John Callaghan in Kirkintilloch, East Dunbartonshire remembers a headteacher telling him about a pupil having to write out 100 times "I have gone" to help with his confusion over "gone" and "went".
When he finished he couldn't find his teacher, so he wrote at the bottom "Please Miss, I have finished my lines and have went home."
A cracker
TALKING of not using the belt, former teacher Paul Cortopassi in Bonnybridge came across his old Lochgelly belt which he had bought for 30 bob. It was still in pristine condition. He was able to sell it to a collector for £100.
Given a leathering
AN EDINBURGH reader tells us: "From the same people who add the warning to packets of roasted peanuts, 'Warning, may contain nuts' we now find the practice spreading to the clothing sector, with a Marks & Spencer label stating, '100% leather … contains parts of animal origin'."
After shocks
RECENT weather has made a few Scots think of buying a holiday home abroad. The story goes of one couple visiting Portugal who were told by the local bar owner of the lovely cottage next to his being up for sale. After they bought it he told them that it needed some work as the roof leaked in the winter and the plumbing was shot to pieces.
"Why didn't you tell us that before?" they asked.
"Weren't neighbours then," he replied.
Mind the gaps
OUR tales of spelling mistakes remind Lon McIlwraith in Vancouver of when former Scotland manager Craig Brown was his primary teacher. Says Lon: "He asked the class to write about their weekend activities, and I was taken aback when he read out my scribbling about watching a man pointing a fireplace, and he asked if anyone knew what 'pointing' meant. No-one had a clue including me.
"When he asked me to explain I had to say, 'Please sir, he was painting the fireplace'. Mr Brown's face went shades of red and purple."
The quiet man
A READER heard a young chap on the bus into Glasgow tell his pal: "I was taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.
"And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them."
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