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It's the thought that counts

WE warned our male readers not to be cheapskates on Valentine's Day.

It didn't stop one reader from declaring: "Just got the missus to agree to stay in and have beans on toast on Thursday. She's too important to me to risk her health taking her out for a meal with all this dodgy food going about."

Mane course

AS for the horse meat in the lasagne, a reader asks if the cheese used in the dish was mascarpony.

Toilet trouble

A READER tells us he and his wife visited the Renfrew branch of retail chain B&Q where his wife asked the helpful chap at the door where the toilet was.

"Are ye burstin'?" he asked, a question not put to the customer since she was at school.

It turned out he was not obsessed with matters urological but was helpfully suggesting there was a disabled toilet nearby if it was a pressing matter rather than having to stroll to the far end of the store.

Special delivery

OUR tale of the restaurant's phone number being mixed up with the hospital number, reminds Phylis Anderson in Milton of Campsie: "I called, as I thought, a local shop one Friday to have groceries delivered.

"Because of one digit being incorrect, I rang the local police station by mistake and asked for a delivery.

"'Whit dae ye fancy? A couple o' drunks? Plenty to spare on a Friday night,' replied the officer who answered."

Networking

POPE Benedict's sudden resignation comes only weeks after he had opened an account on the social media network Twitter.

As one businessman told us yesterday: "The Pope is not the first person to lose interest in their real job as soon as they get obsessed with Twitter."

Career change

AND another reader comments: "It's the first time in 600 years a Pope has handed in his notice.

"Just goes to prove there is no such thing as a job for life any more."

First up

TALKING of business, a Glasgow office worker tells us a young Polish girl has joined the team, and is putting everyone to shame by always being the first to arrive every morning. She's been given the nickname Krakow Dawn.

Empty promise

"I bought a self-help CD entitled How to Handle Disappointment," said the chap in the Glasgow pub at the weekend.

"When I got home and opened it, I found the box was empty."

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