OUR mention of Largs yesterday reminds Marilyn Copland of being in a coach heading from Glasgow to Stranraer when they passed a bus going to Largs.
From behind her an American announced: "Have you heard of the city of Largs? It sounds like a magical place!" Quite.
Added Marilyn: "It took me back many years to when my godmother visited Largs with her Canadian husband who was convinced the Ayrshire town was full of prostitutes as he saw so many women standing at their open windows. He had never encountered the phenomenon of 'the hing' before."
That's the wages gone
MORE on the Kennedy assassination anniversary.
Our contact in the world of traditional music says the late singer Calum Kennedy was often late paying musicians who accompanied him. He continued: "The Calum Kennedy Show was on its annual Highland tour and were in Thurso that fateful Friday night. While Calum dined in the restaurant of the Pentland Hotel, the Will Starr Band and the rest of the cast were eating in the hotel bar when a local rushed in. 'Lads, have you heard? Kennedy's been shot!' The band's drummer, Billy Thom, slammed down his pint. 'Oh goodness, we'll never get paid now.' That's the way Billy used to tell it, anyway…"
Bumps and Royal rumps
ROYAL visits continued. Says Linda Brown: "Staff at Gartnavel Royal Hospital in Glasgow were pleased when all the road bumps around the hospital were removed making it easier to drive around the site, only to find two days later, the day after Princess Anne had opened a new ward, the bumps replaced. Obviously the royal backside could not cope with the limousine bumping."
An accident, naturally
EVEN the very best can make a mistake, such as our estimable former Evening Times colleague David Livingstone, now a Sky golf presenter. Reader Jim Brown tells us: "While watching Sky Sport's excellent coverage of the end-of-season golf tournament in Dubai, I picked up on a comment from Sky's anchor David Livingstone, following the Swedish winner, Henrik Stenson's, round on Sunday. David described various traits of the Swede, including stating that he had a 'self-defecating' sense of humour."
But we don't think that has soiled the golfer's reputation.
Your number's up
TENUOUSLY leading on from that. Alasdair Smith was flying to London City Airport last week when the attendant announced: "There are limited facilities on board this morning, with only the rear toilet functioning, and this isn't accepting any solids". Says Alasdair: "Pausing to let this news sink in, the attended added for clarification 'So number ones only this morning please, number ones only'."
The way we say it
WE finished our historical quotes as seen through Scottish eyes, but we should have mentioned:
"Listen hen, ah'm really no bothered" Rhett Butler (Allan MacDougall).
"Aye, two single fish an hunners a Mother's Pride should dae it" - Jesus. (Jim White).
"Did you put that chip pan off?" - Mrs Pepys to Samuel. (Andy Gourlay).
And a copy of Norman Ferguson's book If History Was Scottish to our favourite "That's a real stoater" - Barnes Wallace, from Carl Williamson.
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