MIKE Ritchie met one of the politest leaflet distributors at Glasgow Art School the other night.

When leaving a gig by Californian rockers The Alvin Brothers, Mike was stopped by a chap advertising a charity gig at the city's Ivory Blacks venue who told folk: "Go on, take one. They're not heavy and there's a bin just outside. Thanks."

A toast to love

A PHILOSOPHICAL point by a dad who explains to us: "Give your daughter French toast and you feed her for a day. Teach her how to make French toast, and you spend the rest of the morning cleaning up the kitchen."

Every little helps

BOOTHBY Graffoe sees the latest news headlines and remarks: "The Serious Fraud Office is carrying out a criminal investigation at Tesco. I wonder if they have a 'Nine charges or less' queue.

Appy hunting ground

NOT great weather in Scotland these days it has to be said. We like the south-sider who took out his mobile phone, looked at the weather forecast for Giffnock, then asked: "Does anyone have a weather app on their phone with a better forecast?"

Avoiding a leading role

WE asked for film quotes about Scottish Labour. Andy Ewan in Dunoon suggests: "Another appropriate quote about trying to avoid standing for the leadership could be from Marlon Brando in On The Waterfront, 'I coulda been a contender. But I don't really want to be'."

Class drama

HOW curious. A reader phones to ask us: "What do you call a soap-like drama about characters with an over-inflated sense of self entitlement trying to hold on to a rapidly disappearing status, and treating the working class with disdain from what they see is a superior position?"

"Downton Abbey?" we hazard a guess.

"No. Scottish Labour" he replied before hanging up.

Room for apology

OUR mention of Labour's gala dinner this week at the Grand Central Hotel in Glasgow reminds Fraser Kelly of staying there last month while on holiday from Singapore. He tells us: "The Liberal Democrat conference was in Glasgow and many delegates stayed at the hotel. After the bars closed a group knocked on our door mistaking our room for one where a party was taking place. They did apologise and said they had made a mistake.

"Perhaps I was churlish to say, 'Yes you did - you should never had made that Coalition deal with the Tories'."

Time waits for no man

THE clocks went back at the weekend, and Andrew Foster in Ontario confesses: "I flew back at the weekend from Glasgow where I had been reminded all week that the clocks were going back an hour, and conscientiously changed all ours on Saturday night. Unfortunately the Canadians put their clocks back next week. Barely made it to the kirk on Sunday."

Every dog has its day

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "They told me it was impossible to cross a poodle with a dodo."

As we feigned interest he added: "Turned out to be a doddle."