OUR story of the fruit van in Glasgow with the sign stating that no bananas were left in it overnight reminds Angela Morgan of her company moving to a south-side industrial estate in Glasgow last year.

Says Angela: "On my first visit to the local shop I asked for a banana. This was greeted with a pause, raised eyebrow and the question, 'What? A fresh one?'

"I didn't enquire about the eggs."

School of thought

AFTER The Herald news story about the private school in Rutherglen having financial difficulties, reader Mark Boyle opines: "I'm not surprised. No matter what the Coalition or Alex Salmond says, no matter what the banks say about green shoots of recovery, when you see a kid in a Hutchie Grammar blazer doing a paper round, you know the economy just isn't there."

Crunch time

A FORMER folk singer was in his Merchant City local in Glasgow telling fellow regulars that he had to visit his doctor for a medical MoT. He confessed that, after reviewing the results of his BMI, cholesterol, and blood pressure tests, he was asked: "So how many times a day do you go to Greggs?"

That's the spirit

OUR tour guide tale about the gardener on Mull spraying his lawn with whisky allows Peter McMahon in Kirkintilloch to dust off the classic line: "It's a tip for all gardeners to make lawn maintenance much easier. Spraying with whisky will obviously make mowing much easier as the grass will already be half cut."

In the know

SOCIAL media is much in the news these days. But as a reader pointed out: "Nothing says, I hardly know the guy, quite like, 'We're friends on Facebook'."

Gunning for him

OUR old chum Campbell Gunn, once a journalist and now a special adviser to the Scottish Government, was making the political headlines after pointing out that a woman who spoke at a political rally was on Labour's Scottish executive and also daughter-in-law of former Glasgow Lord Provost Pat Lally. He later apologised as she is not, in fact, related to Pat, but nonetheless Labour called for his resignation.

As Steve Letford commented: "If I were Pat Lally I'd be very hurt that being mistaken for my daughter-in-law seemed such an appalling insult."

Bit of an own goal

FINALLY the World Cup has kicked off, and so have all the old jokes. As one sports website said yesterday: "The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil when they arrived. 'It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,' said Jose, age six."

More astutely a reader tells us: "I was looking forward to taking the mickey out of the England team online, but already English fans are beating me to it, taking all the fun out of it for me."

The down side

ONE Scot working down south tells us he did his best when colleagues in his office said they were trying to pick the best team to beat Italy in England's opening game, and did he have any suggestions.

"Brazil," he replied.

A mood of two halves

A READER heard a teenager on his bus in Glasgow tell the young chap he was with: "My mate is really temperamental. Half the time he's in a temper, and the other half he's mental."