THE news that bumptious American tycoon Donald Trump is offering to buy the Turnberry Hotel has concerned a few readers.
"Could someone please quickly build some wind turbines off the Ayrshire coast?" says Stuart Miller in Linlithgow.
A real Ding dong
OUR story about "Yesterday's leftovers" being billed as a restaurant's special reminds James Simpson in Erskine: "Auld Ding was a well-known tramp when I lived in Paisley. When he couldn't find a bed for the night he would kick in a shop window, setting off the alarm, and wait for the police to arrive. Bed and breakfast sorted.
"One day Ding turned up on the doorstep of well-known farmer Baldy Houston, explained that he hadn't eaten in days and could Baldy help out. Baldy asked him, 'How about a plate of yesterday's soup?' When Ding said that would be great, Baldy told him, 'Good. Come back the morra'."
Making their mark
FIRST day yesterday of the new National 5 exams in Scotland's secondary schools. An exam website lists answers given by either inspired or desperate pupils to questions given in previous tests which included:
Name six animals that live specifically in the Arctic - Two polar bears, four seals.
Explain the phrase "free press" - When your mum irons trousers for you.
To change centimetres to metres you ? - Take out centi.
A breath of fresh air
TALKING of teenagers, a Stirling reader received the following text from his teenage son: "Sometimes I use big words I don't fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis."
Poking fun
FACEBOOK has seamlessly entered many people's lives. Dave Jones tells us that he heard one young chap discussing a mutual friend with a pal and explaining: "Twenty-one days is a mint jail sentence. He'll be well pleased." The pal looked at his smart phone and replied: "Yeah, he's already got 11 likes for it."
Colouring judgment
CHANGING your hair colour can throw up the occasional problem. A reader heard a young woman tell her pals in a Glasgow bar, while discussing said lady's new boyfriend: "He told me he liked blondes. And I thought, 'Wait a minute, I'm not a blonde'. And then I remembered I was."
Huffing and puffing
A READER waiting for a bus in Glasgow's city centre heard an older chap tell a young woman puffing on a fag: "That's a terrible habit."
Barely glancing at him the girl replied: "So's being rude to strangers."
It all adds up now
A COLLEAGUE wanders over and we now regret asking him what he'd been up to. "I was going to take night classes in self-defence, but decided on mathematics instead." "Why?" we asked. "Decided there's safety in numbers," he declared before wandering off.
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