Razing a few laughs

Diary Editor

Monday 11 June 2012

THE big day out in Glasgow yesterday was the demolition of one of the Red Road flats.

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Ken Smith

As one spectator mused: "There are more folk here to see a skanky block of flats going down than have got tickets for the Olympic football in Glasgow."

But it was comedian Frankie Boyle who came out with the cheekiest comment. "Incredible to watch the Red Road flats go down. Great work, surely this firm must now be top of the list for the Ibrox job."

Age of enlightenmentTHE Olympic Torch was paraded through Glasgow at the weekend, and of course the occasion couldn't pass without some local rivalry. David Scott tells us: "As the Olympic Flame was run up Byres Road in Glasgow's West End, a group of topers abandoned Tennent's Bar to see the spectacle, with one asking, 'Where's it come fae?' 'Partick,' said another."'Partick? They're lucky they've still goat it.'"Meanwhile the denizens of Partick are denying reports that some of their number were running alongside the Olympic flame trying to get a light for their fag.Control freak on cueOUR story about television remote controls reminds Jim Scott of earlier days when folk had their makeshift alternatives. "When I was at school my pal's dad had a snooker cue with another bit of wood taped to it which he used to push the buttons on his wood-grain effect Ferguson TV. He could also use it to adjust the set-top aerial, poke the dog when it started snoring in front of the fire, and skelp us if we were making too much noise."Winning ways with wineAS wine sales rocket in bars, Alan Lang at Vroni's in Glasgow recalls a simpler time when he managed another city wine bar some years ago and a chap ordered for his female companion "a Glaswegian wine". Says Alan: "Eventually, having asked him three times and three times his girlfriend whispering her order to him, which he now snarled at me with a fixed stare, did I break the rules and ask her directly. To which she replied: 'A glass of medium white wine.'"Humour scales new heightsDADS who think they're funny, continued. A young Lanarkshire girl was keen to have some pet goldfish, so while searching the cupboard she shouted out: "Have you seen the fish bowl?""No," shouted back Dad, "but I think I saw the cat playing darts once."Golfing to avoid the holeTHE golf links are busy, and Allan McMillan in Ayrshire tells us he was playing a round when he caught up with a wheezing octogenarian who invited him to play through, explaining that he wasn't as fit or fast as he used to be."I remarked that, nevertheless it was good that he could still play the game at his age," says Allan."He nodded sagely and said: 'Yes, I suppose I'm still on the green side of the turf.'"

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Razing a few laughs

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