THE award for cheekiest tenants of the week must go to the folk in Edinburgh's Dalry area who had agreed that letting agents DJ Alexander could inspect the flat while they were on holiday.
Jak Florence from the company arrived to find the holidaymakers had left a note asking him to feed the tropical fish while he was there - and a gingerbread man beside the note as a thank you.
He did indeed feed them - but what happened to the gingerbread man we don't yet know.
Bottom line
A GROUP of Glasgow University students have put up American computer specialist Edward Snowden, the chap who revealed the US's spying secrets, as a candidate to be the university's next rector. It reminds us of when actor Richard Wilson was elected rector at the yoonie. He tells the story that he was appearing in a play in London at the time, and told the producer he had to go to Glasgow for his rectorial installation.
"Is there not a hospital here in London that can do that for you?" she asked.
Post dating
INCIDENTALLY, we remember when Snowden's whistleblowing came to light. American talk-show host David Letterman declared: "Do you mind that the National Security Agency is opening your mail and listening to your phone calls? I don't care. It's just like being married."
Getting ratty
DON'T you just love it when Glaswegians try to be a little bit posh? A reader tells us about her south-side cousin who saw a rat in the basement of her large house and called in help from the council's environmental services. After he laid some poison down, he was asked by the householder: "Is it efficacious?"
As the chap was not old enough to remember the old Scaffold hit Lily the Pink, he looked puzzled. So our reader stepped in to help: "She means does it work?"
"Work?" he replied. "It'll blow their bloody semmits aff."
Missing link
MUSICIAN Roy Gullane was in Germany where a sandwich shop was obviously keen to publicise it used a lot of sausage and cheese in its fillings. The shop, noted Roy, was called the "Wurst Käse Scenario".
Real tragedy
WE hear about a first-year geography class where the teacher was talking about the relative size of cities, towns and villages when she asked: "Does anybody know the name of a settlement that's even smaller than that? Just a row of houses?
One young girl, who had perhaps just come from her English class, excitedly threw her hand up triumphantly and declared: "A Macbeth!"
A law unto themselves
A GROUP of chaps in Glasgow were discussing the fact one of them had been selected for jury duty and was wondering if he could get out of it. Someone suggested he could fake madness, but this was shot down by a pal who declared: "How could they ever muster a jury in Glasgow in the first place if that debarred candidates?"
Any other tales from the jury room?
An eye for an Aye
WE asked for the more outrageous arguments in the independence debate. A reader sees a chap wearing a T-shirt the other day which stated on the front above a Scottish Saltire: "If you can say 'it's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht the nicht' then you can surely say Aye."
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