JOHN Marletta spotted a chap in full red metal outfit dressed as film superhero Iron Man in Glasgow's Buchanan Street, where people were slipping him a bob or two to have their picture taken with him.

Two police officers went over for a chat, no doubt checking whether he had a street entertainment licence. Says John: "Iron Man was very sheepish and docile with the police to the extent that a passer-by said to him: "Not so hard now are ye?"

Football crazy

FOOTBALL fans are still reeling from the demolition of Brazil by Germany. "I haven't seen someone this disgraced in a yellow shirt since Lance Armstrong," said one reader.

Rather cleverly someone put "German team are getting sechs [six] tonight" on Twitter before the game was over, but even that was overtaken by the final whistle.

Pure not brilliant

ANOTHER talking point continues to be the jarring tartan outfit for Scotland's Commonwealth Games team. Glasgow marketing company Boyd Digital has asked customers whether they think it is "Pure Howfin'" or "Pure Stunnin'. So far the vote on their website is 97% pure howfin'. Any other two-word descriptions to sum up the outfits?

Shut out

OUR restaurant story about the owner suggesting a party have their dessert in the garden so he could shut up and get to the pub reminds Angus Macmillan of the classic tale: "There's the two thirsty cyclists who arrived at an isolated pub in Donegal, and were dismayed when the landlord informed them the pub wouldn't be open for an hour. He suggested they sit on the grass outside as it was a warm day, then added: "And would you be wanting a drink while you're waiting?'"

Grappling with language

IT'S that time when folk encounter US tourists. Barrie Crawford was in Majorca where, he says: "In a gift shop I heard an American guy in his late teens comment, 'It's great to be in Spain, I can't wait to try that bull wrestling'."

Drawing them in

WE mentioned the Ben Nevis pub in Glasgow, and proprietor Aileen Scott confides to us she had a tall Texan in the bar the other night who told her he was the drummer in Dolly Parton's band who were playing at the nearby Hydro. As a number of musicians call in at the bar to hear the traditional music bands, she asked if the Ben Nevis had been recommended to him.

"Well ma'am," he answered, "we've been touring for quite some time - and I'm out of drawers," then nodded at the launderette across the road. Not the recommendation she had hoped for.

Plane silly

ALISON Russell was waiting on the BA flight to Glasgow from Gatwick when the public address system seemed to announce: "Would passengers not flying to Glasgow make themselves known to the desk." Pandemonium all round as folk tried to check whether they were at the right gate, and people for other flights wondered if they had to go forward. Says Alison: "Realising his colleague might not have been speaking with the correct clarity, another member of staff tried again, slowly enunciating 'passenger Knotts' so that a rather sheepish young Mr Knotts made his way to the desk."

Baker's treat

A READER fed up with folk going on about their holidays tells us: "Pretend you're on holiday in France by going to a baker's twice a day like you've never seen a baker's before."