POET Roger McGough has has had his latest book published on plates, with up to 250,000 of them being given away free as a Birds Eye initiative to make teatime more enjoyable for children.

Roger, who also toured with The Scaffold, has been appearing at the Edinburgh Fringe for 50 years now. He tells us he walked the streets of Edinburgh last month and had so many memories of the places he stayed - including one where there was a drugs bust.

It didn't involve Roger, but his Edinburgh landlady was also a dealer, which is not the norm, it has to be said, for Edinburgh bed and breakfast establishments.

Roger was recently in Henderson's Restaurant in the capital when a girl in her late teens came in and sat down. Roger felt strangely attracted to her, which is odd for a 75-year-old man, but then the girl's mother came over and Roger felt she, too ,was very attractive.

It was only when the young girl's grandmother arrived that Roger realised he had dated the granny in his early Edinburgh days.

Roger went over and introduced himself and apologised for now being bald and wrinkly. "You always were, Roger," granny calmly replied.

Problem compounded

INSTANT loan company Wonga, with an APR of up to 5853%, is now making profits of more than £1m a week. "And that's just from wee Andy in Brigton who missed a couple of payments," said a chap in a Glasgow bar last night.

Heady stuff

IT was transfer deadline day in England on Monday, with a number of big deals going through. As Charles Lawley explained it to us: "It's like going to the pub, panicking when last orders are called, and spending £43 on a pint of Strongbow."

Bale us out?

The biggest transfer was of course the £85m move of Gareth Bale to Real Madrid, a world record. Andy Cumming notices that the player's daughter is named Alba. Surely enough, says Andy, for Bale to qualify to play for Scotland?

Frosty retort

WE mentioned satirist Peter Cook pulling out of a David Frost dinner as he had to watch television that night. It reminds Paul Kerr of an interview playwright Alan Bennett, pictured, gave in which he revealed: "Peter Cook never had any regrets in his life. The only regret he regularly voiced was that, at the house we all shared in 1963, he'd saved David Frost from drowning."

Going ballistic

ISRAEL and the United States test-fired a missile into the Mediterranean. Our political contact tells us: "Seems they have accused Atlantis of using chemical weapons."

Tram lines

WE end our songs for the Edinburgh trams, but we should do so on a high note. So we like David Walker's suggestion of Bob Marley's classic, Trammin'.