POLICE patrolling motorways in the North West of England announced on social media: "Patrol has just picked up a pedestrian on the M62 J7/8. Male trying to get to Scotland. Hmm very long walk. Now safely off the motorway."

Surely not someone enthused by the election result and desperate to get north of the border?

Talking of social media, Leith author Irvine Welsh asked his followers yesterday: "��Moral dilemma - an out-of-shape gent in the gym, operating machine incorrectly with chance of injury. Intervene or leave him to it?"

He obviously had a think about what he wrote as he added soon afterwards: "Before anybody starts, I'm not referring to myself. Well, not this time."

GLASGOW'S marketing bureau has a People Make Glasgow website for visitors, giving hints on what to do in Glasgow as well as carrying endorsements such as Glasgow-born Alan Linn, now living in New York where he runs the Norwood Club, who lists The Jeely Piece song, Matt McGinn's ditty about how you can't fling pieces oot a 20-storey flat, as a favourite song.

Just in case visitors find that confusing, the bureau adds the explanation: "Note: In Glasgow, a 'jeely piece' is a jam (ie, jelly) sandwich. Mothers in traditional Glasgow tenements were known for wrapping up a 'jeely piece' snack in greaseproof paper and throwing it down to their children ('weans') playing in the street three storeys below. This tradition alas was not so easy to maintain when many Glasgow families were moved from tenements into high-rise apartments in the 1960s and 1970s as hurling a jeely piece 20-storeys down could result in taking someone's eye out."

So now you know.

BROADCASTING staff at ITV went on a 24-hour strike yesterday over pay. We wondered what programmes could be made to back the strikers and thought of Downtools Abbey. Any other suggestions?

APOLOGIES you might have missed. The Sun newspaper this week stated: "We published a picture of a candidate for Uxbridge and South Ruislip, and identified him as Lord Toby Jug, leader of the Eccentric Party of Great Britain. In fact it was Howling Laud Hope, leader of the Monster Raving Loony Party. Apologies for the confusion which must have been hugely embarrassing for both men."

THERE are not enough staff parking spaces at the new Glasgow South Hospital, with claims that folk living beside it are charging up to £20 a week to lease out their driveways to medical staff. However reader Ewan Duncan commends the public spirit of a chap on the Gumtree advertising site who is offering his driveway for free to any nurse who lives at least five miles away. He states: "I don't believe in charging nurses money for car parking spaces when they save lives everyday and don't get the wages they deserve."

Public spirit and a dig at the Government all at once. Very Glasgow.

NOT too much politics today, thank goodness, but we do note that there is talk of Ukip leader Nigel Farage possibly being forced to step aside after briefly re-standing following his previous step-down. "Sounds as if it will soon be available as an aerobics video," says Simon Blackwell.

WE should just end the week with a bit of whimsy from James Martin who passes on: "I like to convince my friends that I go on lots of holidays by regularly giving them a Toblerone."