Time for T?

IT'S probably an age thing, but it seems if you are over 30 you think this year's T in the Park has been a nightmare with mud everywhere, not enough toilets and long waits for a bus home or to get out of the car park. If you are under 30, you just love the music and having a good time. We suspect Craig Halliday from Sauchie in Clackmannanshire is in the latter category as he posted on social media: "Nae phone or wallet, and a suspected broken nose. Still brilliant."

Sign of the times

AH, the English language is still proving tricky. Richard Wiggins tells us: "I was on the bus from Ayr to Ardrossan and there was a notice displayed which stated, 'The urgent road resurfacing at Fairlie scheduled for the 5th July has been brought forward to 12th July'."

Toilet humour

OUR tales of toilets remind Eric Hudson, one-time boss of religious broadcasting at STV: "I was with the STV crew at Edinburgh Castle for the recording of a Highway programme with Sir Harry Secombe. Some of us were allowed to relax in the Secretary of State's suite between recording. At one point Harry went to the Secretary of State's toilet. As he came out he said, 'Must have been a heck of a golfer, that guy Armitage.' When we looked puzzled he explained, 'It says on the toilet, Armitage Shanks.' Yes, typical Harry."

Numbers game

STRUGGLING with the passwords demanded when you use your computer? As a Glasgow reader pointed out to us: "Why is it that, some sites I go on to, they want a complicated password with numbers, letters, and even symbols, which I'm never going to remember, yet my bank, where my money is, only wants four numbers for me to get at my cash from an ATM?"

Wait a minute

MIXED reaction to the new multi-million pound hospital on Glasgow's south side. As John Delaney in Lochwinnoch says: "I see that there's a bit of a stink that the new 'Super Hospital' in Govan had been re-named the Queen Elizabeth University Hospital. Given that there are queues of staff and visitors trying to get parked, and queues of patients waiting to be seen, should we just shorten the name to the QUEU Hospital?"

Good timing

A READER tells us his wife made a remark at the weekend with which many people will probably concur. "I don't have time to be lactose intolerant," she told him.

Love and marriage

A GLASGOW barman tells us he noticed one of his regulars didn't have his mate with him who usually came in for a pint so the barman asked if his pal was away on holiday. "No, he's had an accident," replied the chap. "What happened?" asked our barman. "He got his finger caught in a wedding ring," he replied.

Speedy manoeuvre

SOME residents in Bardowie,

near Milngavie, are campaigning to have traffic calming measures put in

the main road to stop speeding motorists. The council says the speed camera installed should do the trick. Then at the weekend an overtaking car smashed into the speed camera sign, removing it entirely, which the campaigning residents think is a tad ironic.

Wood you believe it?

THE Herald reported that a

luxury lodge at the upmarket Lochside House Hotel near New Cumnock

burnt down on Friday. Local Matt Vallance tells us: "The lodge, which will now be rebuilt, was named 'Ashwood'. When the emergency call was made, and the lodge named, the fire brigade thought the caller was taking the proverbial."