WE asked for your King Tut's stories as the Glasgow music venue is celebrating its 25th anniversary. Says Gilbert MacKay in Newton Mearns: "We went to King Tut's to hear Juliet Turner, the singer from Northern Ireland. She had to stop in the middle of one song to ask if someone would help to quieten the fearful din coming from the bar. A result was achieved by one of the women in the audience screaming, 'F****** shut up, wull ye.' Must try this at the RSNO."

A READER on a train into Glasgow found a number of teenagers in the carriage heading into the city on a day off from school. An old fellow engaged them in conversation by telling them: "Do you know that your school days are going to be the best days of your life?"

Our reader smiled at such a pleasant observation. But then he added: "So that tells you how bad the rest of your lives is gonna be."

TALKING of teenagers, we are reminded of the reader who overheard one young chap in Glasgow tell his pals: "I was about to tell my folks a very funny story last night. But then I remembered that what I was doing in the story was actually illegal, so I stopped."

MISUNDERSTANDINGS continued. Dave Biggart in Kilmacolm tells us he worked in the Tollcross biscuit factory in the early seventies when a new biscuit with a peanut topping was introduced. The peanuts often fell off and were referred to by the staff as slugs. Says Dave: "Production was transferred to London, and I was sent down to assist the first production run. As I was leaving the production area for a break the London production manager asked me how the run was going. I replied that the baking was OK, but there were a lot of slugs in the wrapping area. He set off for the production area like an Olympic sprinter."

VALENTINE'S Day coming up fast. As James Martin put it: "This Valentine's Day, I will almost certainly be inundated.

"Sorry. In, undated."

GOODNESS, the General Election is still three months away but already the first election leaflets are dropping through the letterboxes. David Reynolds tells us that the leaflet for the SNP candidate Kirsten Oswald, who is fighting for Scottish Labour leader Jim Murphy's East Renfrewshire seat, has a pleasant picture of her on the front and back. However he realised: "Electioneering expenses must be tight because they've used the same picture twice, though reversed on the back. Voters will have to wait until the doorstepping phase to find out if Ms Oswald's parting is on the left or right."

OUR story about strange postal instructions reminds Jim Scott in Singapore: "I once got a package in the post folded in half. It said on it 'Photographs Do Not Bend'. Someone had written below it, 'Oh yes they do'."

WE like to end on a piece of whimsy, and a reader phones us with this suggestion: "Pretend you're early for an Antiques Roadshow filming by standing outside a big house with a Fabergé egg."