THESE voice recognition telephone apps can still struggle a little with the Scottish accent. Hugh Hunter used the OK Google voice prompt to browse items on the town of "Dalgety Bay, Fife." Says Hugh: "Instead I got results for "Dogs ate a bee, twice."

It reminds us that Rab Florence and Iain Connell, whose Burnieston Live and For Real show is sold out at Glasgow's King's Theatre next week, did a sketch in a lift where they were driven mental when their Scottish accents asking for "eleven" were not recognised. A Texan professor later sent them a detailed two-page explanation of why a voice-activated lift probably could recognise their accents. He possibly missed the point that it was just a joke, which is not like an American.

TALKING of Americans, real estate and golf course tycoon Donald Trump has again hinted that he would like to stand as candidate to be President of the USA. When the strangely coiffured Donald ran a Facebook campaign against Barack Obama in the last election, we feel he was brought back to earth by one chap who simply commented on the page: "We shall overcomb."

ALSO appearing at the Glasgow Comedy Festival at the King's is Al Murray in his pub landlord guise. Al likes to huff and puff about changes in the world which he feels are unnecessary. We did have some sympathy with his rant this week when he declared: "Car manufacturers know this! I can work the boot of a car better than your electronics, hydraulics or general bollix ever will. Leave it!"

A GLASGOW teacher tells us he can't wait for the Easter break after asking a pupil where his book was, and the pupil replying it was at home. The teacher couldn't help himself from making the point: "And what's it doing there?" He was not expecting the reply: "Probably having more fun than me."

BIG crowd in Glasgow yesterday for Alex Salmond signing copies of his book, The Dream Shall Never Die, which is about the referendum campaign. He declined the suggestion of one Unionist who urged him to call it Mein Banff. One young lad in the queue at St Enoch's Shopping Centre was heard explaining: "I seem to have turned into a Salmond fan-boy as I'm queuing to buy his book. I only went out for a sandwich at Boots."

OTHER political news was that Scottish Tory leader Ruth Davidson received an apology from an independence supporter who went on a homophobic tirade against her on Twitter. She was overwhelmed at the number of people who stoutly defended her on Twitter. As she told them yesterday: "Your responses to this mindless idiot shows social media can be a good place. Now, put your Twitter pitchforks down and get back to work!"

GREAT weather in Glasgow yesterday, and we saw the first chap strolling in the city this year without a jacket on. The chap, not in the first flush of youth, was wearing a T-shirt on which we read: "I may be old - but I got to see all the good bands."

A COLLEAGUE feels the need to interrupt us with: "Did you hear that guy complaining about the ink in the copying machine needing replaced?

"Didn't like his toner voice."