HOGMANAY now a dim memory as the reality of work sets in? 

 

A reader comes across the Twitter account of the Dublin Fire Brigade, which also supplies ambulance services. It was warning about the high number of calls it was receiving on New Year's Eve from revellers falling over. The Brigade eventually stated: "We're already getting calls for people who have had too much to drink, lying on cold wet paths on their own. Missing a friend? Check outside."

WE mentioned singing on buses, and reader John Mulholland expands the theme to singing on holidays. Says John: "On holiday in Rome we were in a restaurant with other tourists where the waiters sang traditional songs, then asked for requests. One Glasgow woman shouted, 'Dae ye know Justa Wan Cornetto?' Perplexed, the waiters asked for a clue. The woman obliged by singing,'Justa one cornetto, give it to me...' Fortunately the waiters launched into 'O Sole Mio'. On a roll, the woman made another request, 'Dae ye know Oh Harry?' More perplexed looks prompted another cringeworthy rendition from her: 'Oh Harry, oh, oh, oh, oh.' Dean Martin's Volare will never be the same again."

YES it's that time of year when folk think about getting fit after festive over-indulgence. A Cumbernauld reader signed up for Fit Camp which uses a lot of exercise to help you lose weight. She was surprised that at the induction the woman in charge asked: "If you have any friends or family you think could do with losing a bit of weight and getting fit, leave their details and we'll get in touch and let them know you've recommended they come".

Says our reader: "Can you think of anything worse than getting a phone call saying, 'So-and-so recommends you join this class as she thinks you need to lose weight?'"

HEALTH is the other topic of conversation at work just now, with people struggling in with colds and flu - as they don't want to waste a sick day on being sick apparently. Anyway a reader at a large insurance company tells us of a conversation he had with a colleague who was not looking too perky. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Man flu," he replied. "Worse than childbirth I hear," said our reader, attempting sympathy.

"You're not kidding," replied his colleague. "In my dream last night, my grandmother told me three times to stay away from the light, it wasn't my turn."

A READER in Berwick swears to us that a relation who works for the posh Harvey Nicks store in Edinburgh told her that the store had to be evacuated on its busy Boxing Day because the fire alarm had sounded. The shop was very efficiently cleared of customers. However a final sweep of the store by staff found an elderly couple amorously entwined in one of the changing rooms. Staff, she tells us, were not only impressed by the ageing couple's ardour, but the fact that they had managed to get into a one-sex changing room unnoticed.

WE mentioned this being one of the busiest weeks of the year for studying jobs websites. Jim Nicol in Lenzie spots one job on offer in a railway engineering company that stated the job entailed "procuring materials timorously and co-ordinating sub-contractors." A Burns fan, Jim wonders: "Sleekit and cowrin' not required I presume."

A SCOTSTOUNHILL reader in Glasgow was intrigued by the latest instalment of Michael Portillo's leisurely travel programmes, Great British Railway Journeys. It featured a trip from Greenock to Larkhall. Our reader opined: "That referendum must have scared the BBC if they are trying to be nice to Scots all of a sudden. Greenock to Larkhall? I've travelled to both by train, and leaving the carriages with all limbs intact is a positive - but great journeys? I think not."

A PIECE of daftness at this time of year as Glenn Moore tells us: "I hate at the end of a haircut when the barber stands behind you and tries to sell you a mirror. Just humour them by saying it looks great."