WE should end our Jack Vetteriano stories, however a reader tells us: "I know someone who was offered a Jack Vettriano painting many years before he was famous for only £300. He turned it down, and now even refuses to buy those tins of biscuits in Marks and Spencer that have a Vettriano print on the lids."

A READER in a Glasgow office tells us a colleague came in the other day and said she was worried about her three-year-old son telling fibs. She went on to explain: "He had a few pals from nursery round and I noticed someone had drawn on the wall. When I asked my son who did it, he said, 'Ruaridh did it'."

Says our reader: "Trying to defend the wee lad I suggested that perhaps Ruaridh had in fact done it. 'Ruaridh's our dog,' she replied."

WORLD Book Day last week and fantasy writer Robert Rankin claimed that he had been invited on an all-expenses paid book tour of New Zealand a few years ago on World Book Day but attracted very small audiences. The organisers later came clean and told him there had been an error as they had actually been trying to book Edinburgh crime writer Ian Rankin. Robert apologised to Ian for depriving him of a lovely trip to New Zealand.

Ian meanwhile, while not confirming whether fellow author Robert was being entirely truthful, did admit: "I did turn up at a school once where the head had been expecting author Iain Banks."

WATCHING telly with older folk continued. Says Andy Mitchell in Prestwick: "A friend had been on the phone to his granny when she announced that she would have to go as she was going to watch a wee film on TV. When he asked what it was about she said 'sheep'. The film? Silence of the Lambs."

TECHNOLOGY can still surprise us. Brian Levine in Giffnock was trying to book a room at the Holiday Inn in Belfast on May 30 when the hotel's internet booking site came up with the cost of a room that night at £82,191. So Holiday Inn offers live chat on its site so Brian asked them if they had anything cheaper "as £82,000 is just a little bit too expensive for my budget." Perhaps Mary Claire who answered the query is a tad jaded, or perhaps is not even a person, as she replied: "They only have one room left and £82,191 is the lowest rate they have."

Trying again to point out the absurdity of that sum, Brian asked her: "Does that include breakfast?" But still not catching on, Mary replied: "With breakfast for two it is £82,206 per night. May I go ahead and book it for you?" At that Brian gave up. I mean, Belfast in May? It's not even the marching season.

INTERESTING point from Kevin Christy who has just got home from the airport and asks: "Why are we trusted to hold a baby on our lap during take-off and landing, but not a backpack of the identical size and weight that doesn't wriggle or scream?"

SOME weather in Glasgow yesterday. As Alison Finlay put it: "I've been clicking my heels all day. But still in wet and windy Glasgow."

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "Opened a can of worms today.

"My kids hate it when I make their dinner."