WE mentioned the heat-wave in London just now. A reader sweltering in the city felt the chap next to him on the Tube was being a tad unsympathetic when he told his pal: "I'm sweating like a Greek at an ATM."

IT was even warm, if a bit cloudy, in Glasgow. Stand-up Janey Godley passes on: "In Primark, exhausted male Glasgow pensioner shouted, 'Isa! Am getting the hell out of here - it's like an overheated jumble sale'. Well done sir."

WITH no football in recent weeks, the on-line fans' forums have had to turn their thoughts to other topics. Says Stewart Daniels: "The Dunfermline Athletic forum has been revisiting the subject of nicknames. My favourite was the man called Wayne Bruce who is known as Manbat."

Another from the Dunfermline forum was a fan who passed on: "Two site labourers on a site in Coatbridge last year. The wee fat one was called Shell-suit Blob and his mate was called 4p because he wisnae the fill shilling."

THERE has been some football of course - the rather captivating Women's World Cup where England, and this has to be said with a straight face, was unlucky to go out in the semi-final. The game was being discussed in a Glasgow pub the other night where one toper opined: "I see the women's teams have been praised for not playing like men's teams. No jersey-pulling, no screaming at the referees, no scything tackles, and no simulation diving."

His pal piped up: "I'm surprised at that last one you mentioned. I thought women were supposed to be very good at faking it."

BOB Gardner tells us about a pal setting up an upmarket bed and breakfast and ordering two large screen TVs for the bedrooms. He needed pictures for the website he was setting up, and as the TVs hadn't arrived he managed to borrow two ex rental tellies from a local shop which didn't work, but looked good enough for the photographs.

Adds Bob: "Someone broke in that night and the only items they took were the two TVs. I would have loved to see their faces when they got them home and tried to get them working."

WE mentioned the late great Glasgow writer and raconteur Cliff Hanley, and Foster Evans recalls: "He might not have liked sport but he did like Partick Thistle. Asked to write about them after League Cup victory in '71 he enjoyed the banter at a game and became quite enthusiastic, but was surprised after a great first half why Jags fans weren't as excited as him. They explained that experience had shown that that would be the good half over."

HOUSE names continued.Alistair Liddell says: "When I was in Australia I saw the name of a national park which was 'Wirrabilong' and I thought that it would make a good house name in Scotland."

A SLIGHTLY wistful note from Matt Vallance in Ayrshire who says: "The Ferry in Glasgow's email shot, outlining their Christmas Party nights for 2015, landed in my inbox on the first of July.

"Doesn't time fly when you're enjoying yourself."

ALAS we couldn't get our work done without a colleague coming over to interrupt us with: "I'm very pleased with my new fridge magnet. So far I've got 23 fridges."