Not worth fighting for olf flame

THE death of blues legend BB King leads to a reader digging out a picture of a sign he snapped in the hamlet of Twist in Arkansas. The sign states: "While BB King performed at a dance hall here in Twist in the mid 1950s, a fire broke out during a fight. Everyone dashed out of the burning building but King returned to find his guitar, narrowly escaping the flames. He later learned the fight resulted from a dispute over a woman named Lucille. Ever since, each of his Gibson guitars has been called Lucille as a reminder that he should never fight over a woman."

Story to change a life

A GROUP of topers in a Glasgow bar were discussing the necessity of having a good command of English when one of them piped up: "You're telling me. If only I'd known the difference between antidote and anecdote, then my best pal might still have been alive today."

Labour of love for Jim?

WE wondered what people would suggest that Jim Murphy should do once he gives up the job of Scottish Labour leader - and yes we know many have said he should go back and finish his degree, after the claim that Jim spent nine years at yoonie without actually graduating. But we prefer the suggestion of someone recalling that St Enoch bust-up that Jim was involved in before the election who remarks: "Jim should spend the next couple of months just following Sean Clerkin around, shouting abuse at him."

Extra mile for a brother

SIGNIFICANT age, turning 50. A reader tells us: "At a 50th birthday party in Saltcoats, a man who had been almost blind his whole life, gave an impromptu speech to thank all those in attendance. He singled out his brother for special gratitude, telling the audience in glowing terms how his sibling would move mountains to help him.

"Finishing off his praise with the sentiment that in the past no task was out of bounds for his brother, he reached into his back pocket and produced the newly-delivered bowel screening kit."

Striking show selection

WE asked what TV shows they could make to mark last week's strike by ITV staff. Suggestions include:

*You've Been Blamed, (Russell Smith).

*Take Your Picket,, (James McGovern).

*Strikers Grove, (Jack Mair).

Teaching vital skills

WE mentioned Matt McGinn singing the Jeely Piece song, but we should have pointed out that it was written, not by Matt, but by Glasgow folk singer Adam McNaughton. Recalls Stuart Rogerson: "Adam was my English teacher in Rutherglen. It was a magic time at the Academy having Norman Buchan and Adam McNaughton as English teachers. Adam McNaughton had a knot in the sleeve of his teacher's gown which he would wield with gentle but humorous accuracy to the back of many a head, especially mine."

A more interesting CV

A PENSIONER phones to tell us: "I like to tell people I'm involved in human trafficking. It always gets more of a reaction than simply explaining I'm a part-time lollipop man at the local school."

How to lead an exciting life

A WOMAN having coffee with pals in Glasgow was heard to observe: "Do you want to live like a rock star? Stay up half the night, have your name screamed wherever you go, and have your clothes constantly pulled?

Simple. Have kids."