READER Frank Murphy tells us about a Glasgow taxi driver who picked up a tipsy female in town after a night out.
She never spoke on the journey home until they arrived and she said: "Can I ask how the fare is £9 when it was only £2 on the way in?"
The puzzled driver argued: "Couldn't have been £2. The meter starts at £2.40."
"I'm telling you it was £2 each," the girl insisted.
"Each?" replied the driver. "How many of you were there?"
"Five."
Quick change
READERS have waded in after we asked for your swimming baths stories. Jimmy Lynch tells us: "The old Gorbals pool was surrounded by a gallery. One day the pool was cold and we were reluctant to get in. A drunk on the gallery threw a handful of money into the pool as an incentive.
"I could swim a length underwater easily, so I began swimming to the bottom in decreasing circles, sure that such an organised method would prove successful. Needless to say, those who plunged in and surfaced in seconds came up clutching coins, while I emerged eventually, lungs bursting, with absolutely nothing."
Question marked
A READER wonders what the solution is for the teenager she overheard telling her pal: "If I just use full stops in my texts, I sound bored. But if I use exclamation marks I seem mad. Is there anything in between?"
Spot the error
JACKIE Clark in Stirling was a teacher in a local nursery when a young minister visited and was attempting to tell the little ones the story about Jesus curing the chap with leprosy.
The thought struck him that they might not know the disease, so he asked: "Can you tell me anything about a leper?"
Recalls Jackie: "A young girl replied, 'He's goat spots'. The minister was very excited about her slight knowledge of skin disease and said, 'Well done'. Sadly, I had to whisper to him, 'She said leopard'."
Web of confusion
SCOTT Simpson in Hyndland reads on the Royal Mail share offer website that, for those without internet access, application packs will be available at selected post offices, which all seems very helpful.
It then goes on to explain the selected post offices will be listed on the internet, so not so helpful then.
Just kidding
OUR tenement tales remind David McJimpsey in Cumbernauld of the classic yarn: "Two older women are leaning out of their tenement windows in the 1960s chatting, when two teenage girls with beehive hairstyles, mini-skirts and high-heels walk past.
"One woman declares, 'look at they two. That's all the young yins think aboot these days - sex. It wasn't like that in oor day. We were too busy hivin weans."
Shock choc
NOSTALGIA alert! Alex Rodger in Dunblane remembers being a teenager many years ago and being charmed by a girl who visited the town. When she went home he posted her a gift.
Continued Alex: "Imagine my shock when I came home from work to find my mother brandishing an opened letter and shouting at me, 'My God. Wait till yer faither gets in and I show him this!'
"She had opened a letter from her to me in which she wrote, 'You'll be glad to know my figure hasn't altered!'
"It took time to convince her that the lass was referring to the box of chocolates I had sent as a present."
The real dig
READING a news story in The Herald, Scott Macintosh comments: "I see that archaeologists in central Scotland have discovered an ancient road, with ruts and a surface like cobblestones, suitable for carts. Then they turned off the M8 and headed for their dig."
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