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Time for school

BACK to school for many youngsters in Glasgow yesterday.

One south side dad realised his son going into Primary 4 was getting older when he stopped him at the door in his school unitorm and said he wanted to take his picture, as he has done at every other back-to-school day.

But this time his son just brushed past him, held up his hand, and said: "Not a good time."

Minute difference

LITTLE local difficulties after independence being discussed. A Yes campaigner points out that the Greenwich meridian does not pass through any part of Scotland, so the country should adopt Greenock Mean Time instead. However, as Greenock is nearly five degrees to the west of Greenwich, there should be a five minute time difference between Scotland and England.

Critics who have been to Greenock might argue that the town is more than five minutes behind the times.

Sister act

A GLASGOW barman tells us about a conversation the other night in the bar when a young man went up to a fellow customer and said 'hello' but the poor chap he interrupted couldn't place who he was. To help out, the chap told him: "I went out with your sister."

Our barman felt it was a tad ungallant of the customer to reply: "You'll need to narrow it down a bit."

Legendary putdown

THE death of Hollywood legend Lauren Bacall reminds us of a great night at the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall when Lauren spoke at a Herald book event and lamented, at the age of 80, her shortage of suitors.

A bold Glasgow chap loudly announced his own availability but she dispatched him with a withering: "You're not going to be better than Bogart - forget it."

She met shipyard leader Jimmy Reid on TV's Parkinson show, and was so taken with his pawky humour that she told him next time he was in New York to look her up.

""I'm a Govan boy," Jimmy told friends. "When would I ever be passing through New York?"

Sign of the Times

INCIDENTALLY, I recall many years ago the Evening Times reporter, recently arrived from the Highlands, who took a call from a publicist who told him that Lauren Bacall was going to be in Glasgow.

The reporter typed up a story about it, even although he did not know who she was, only to be asked by a sub-editor: "Who is this actress Lorne McColl you've written about?"

Hole lot of trouble

BOUGHT anything off eBay that didn't live up to its description? As Vivienne Clore asks us: "If you are trying to sell something on eBay with a small hole in it, are you allowed to describe it as being in 'mint condition?'"

Phone home

A READER tells us that the woman in front of him on the bus hasn't quite embraced the concept of a mobile phone. When her mobile could be clearly heard ringing in her bag she ignored it, and when it finally stopped runging she told her travelling companion: "I don't like to answer it when I'm out the house."

Toy time

EVER bought one of those Kinder eggs with the little toy inside?

As Adam Hess tells us: "Someone should tell the people at Kinder that something can't be classed as a 'toy' if you spend more time making it than playing with it."

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