JOE McKenzie at the Griffin Bar in Glasgow, across the road from the King's Theatre, is still scratching his head after two ladies came in the pub after attending the musical Cats.
As it was early in the evening, he asked them if they had nipped out at the interval, but they informed him they had walked out and weren't going back.
"Why not?" asked Joe. Despite the clue in the title, one of the ladies firmly stated: "They're all dressed up as cats - and I hate cats."
AND so the political caravan moves from Glasgow, where the LibDems held their conference last week, to Brighton, where it is the turn of the Labour Party. As one Westminster-based political consultancy e-mailed its customers: "We expect there is much relief today as conference-goers wake up and remember they are not in Glasgow again this week." What can they mean?
SWIMMING baths continued. Says John Mair: "Our local pool regularly ropes off two lanes to let the local swimming team train. One night the club was doing training drills. Leg kick only, leg kick and right arm only etc. At one point they were all swimming up and down the pool using only their left arms.
One old dear at the edge of the pool observed that she didn't realise there were so many one-armed folk in Cumnock. "Aye," said her pal, "it's amazing that they can all swim so well."
AND of course, Gerry MacKenzie reminds us of the classic, ie old, tale of the Clydebank boy going home in tears as he has been chucked out of the local swimming pool. His dad went to check at the pool where he was told his son was asked to leave as he did the toilet in the pool.
But his dad remonstrated: "All boys wee in the pool."
"Not from the top of the dale," replied that attendant.
Dressed to thrill
JOHNNY Beattie is leading an all-star cast, including Anne Fields, feed to many Scottish comics over the years, at a charity show this Sunday afternoon at Battlefields Theatre in Largs which was home of many summer shows over the years.
Anne tells us that they did two new shows a week over 16 weeks in its busiest summers, which meant numerous costume changes, new sketches and new songs to sing. She added: "As you can imagine, these changes required lots of costumes, so by the end of the season I owed my father £174 for music and dresses. However, in that first season, I learned a great deal and now had an extensive wardrobe for my act. That was me in show business!"
POOR start to the season for Manchester United's new Glasgow boss David Moyes. As a Manchester City fan phones to ask us: "What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?"
He answers himself: "Prince Andrew has never regretted getting rid of Fergie."
INTERNET dating continues to be popular but not everyone is convinced. A chap in a Glasgow pub was encouraged to try it by a friend who told him: "And this particular site chooses people who share the same interests as you."
"I don't think," replied his pal, "that I would want to date anyone that weird."
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