A SMALL quantity of drugs was found by police on board the tour bus of teenage pop star Justin Bieber.
Paddy Power immediately opened a book on what the drugs are. You can bet on Calpol at 100/1.
On to a winner
OUR story of the late great sports writer Ian Archer being a Partick Thistle fan reminds Barrie Crawford of Ian being the guest speaker at a referees conference and telling the tale of having to write a headline when his beloved Thistle were beaten 6-1 by Rangers.
He almost got the sack by coming up with: "Thistle in seven-goal thriller."
Commiserations
AND talking of Thistle, David Speedie, currently in New York, was at Hampden in the 1960s for a Scotland international wearing his St Andrews college scarf, St Salvator's, which was black with a red and yellow stripe.
Says David: "At half time a wee man, with the exaggerated ceremony of the inebriate, wipes his half-bottle on his sleeve and hands it to me. I politely decline. Pointing to my scarf, he says, 'Take the whole bottle, pal – you need it mair than me.'"
Look where you're going
DEALING with traffic cops continued. Russell Martin in Bearsden recalls being stopped speeding in his sports car on the M6 when the police officer taking his details charitably suggested he might check his mirror more often so that he would be less likely to be caught.
Says Russell: "I was tempted to reply that, driving at that speed, would it not be better to look where I was going and not where I'd been, but thought probably best not to."
That's the one
PRONOUNCING names continued. Christine Pacione recalls when her later father-in-law Emilio Pacione played for Dundee United just after the Second World War when there was no television coverage.
Says Christine: "One Saturday his family listened in vain to the radio commentary for any mention of his name. It eventually dawned on them the player frequently referred to as 'Pacy One' was in fact him!"
Hold on
A READER on the train to Glasgow from Clydebank heard a teenager tell her pal about her sister having a baby.
She added: "She then gave me the baby to hold. And when you think how often I've dropped my phone, that was pretty brave of her."
Alarm call
DAFT gag for the weekend? A female readers phones to ask us: "Why do black widow spiders kill the males after mating?"
And she answered herself: "To stop the snoring before it starts."
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