A SOUTH-Side reader had to phone a financial services company as the form he was filling out online insisted that he put in a mobile phone number - even though he doesn't have one.
When he explained to the helpline person that he threw his mobile phone in the sea the day he retired, there was a pause before the company representative replied: "I wish I could throw my mobile in the sea."
It all ads up
WE'VE mentioned the cruelty of football fans to those teams that have suffered a setback. After the weekend's defeat of title-chasing Liverpool by Chelsea, someone put up the fake advert: "Open-top bus for sale. Contact Anfield Road, Liverpool."
And reader Peter Alexander tells us: "Methinks the manager of the Auctioneers pub in Glasgow might be a Chelsea supporter. With the Blues one-nil up at half time, the sound system blared out Maybe This Time from Cabaret. And having doubled their lead at full time, Walking On Sunshine followed."
Hell for leather
SCOTLAND'S Rural College has issued a press release warning groundsmen, park keepers and golf courses that there are high numbers of leather jackets in Scotland just now. Being from the city, we wondered if it was concerns about not enough golfers sticking to the dress code in their club houses after a round of golf.
But we later learn that leather jackets are the grubs of daddy-longlegs that are eating the roots of grasses and other plants. Silly us.
Posh paws in Paris
A Glasgow reader was on a break in Paris when the kindly waiter at the pavement cafe brought out a bowl of water for a panting dog that a local woman sitting at an outdoor table was carrying. When the waiter disappeared the woman threw the water into a plant pot and refilled it with bottled water she took from her bag.
Not quite hitting the Marx
THE trades unions' May Day celebrations include a cabaret at Oran Mor on Monday that includes the self-styled "Marxist magician" Ian Saville. We recall a previous appearance by Ian, and when we asked what a Marxist magician was, we were told: "Well, whereas David Copperfield is content with little tricks like making the Statue of Liberty disappear, Ian aims at the much more ambitious goal of making international capitalism and exploitation disappear - although he hasn't entirely succeeded yet."
A lot at steak
DEAR oh dear. Reader Derek England tells us: "I was outside Tesco's in Silverburn last night where there was a sign stating, 'Come and see our new Meat Counter!' So we went in, and sure enough, there he was standing in front of the pieces of silverside going 'one, two three, four'."
Ways to leave your lover
THE BBC reported that singer Paul Simon, pictured, and his wife have been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after a domestic dispute, according to Connecticut police. They have been told to live separately in the meantime. "So make that 51," says a reader, knowledgeable in the back catalogue of Mr Simon.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article