ANOTHER miserable day for Scotland fans on Saturday with a numbing goalless draw against Serbia.
As one fan bitterly put it: "Manager Craig Levein promised us that Scotland was far better prepared for the 2014 World Cup than any previous finals.
"I can only assume he meant that he's bought the squad 50- inch plasma screen TVs."
Coining a phrase
NATURALLY it wouldn't be Scottish fans without them casually insulting another part of the country at the same time as making a point about the game. One reader leaving Hampden heard a fellow fan exclaim: "I feel more frustrated than a short-armed Aberdonian at a wedding scramble."
Which reminds us. Do they still have scrambles? Any readers have favourite scramble stories?
Out of pocket
AS ithers see us. Well if Scots can still joke about the alleged financial canniness of fellow Scots, who can blame foreigners from joining in? A reader in the US sends us a cutting from his local newspaper's fun page which states: "Wee Jock has been crying all day because his hamster died. 'Ye didnae cry like that when yer Granny died,' says his mother.
"'Aye, but I didnae pay fer her wi' ma poacket money'."
Something in the air
HERALD crossword solvers were fearing a lurch to the demotic last week when the clue "Rush of air from wife's behind" was a four-letter word which was something a, something t. Says Ian Duff in Inverness: "My good lady was so shocked I had to fold the paper and revive her by wafting it around to cool her down. Oh, wait a minute. Waft. Oh thank goodness for that."
Battling the blues
MEXICO-BASED rocker Dan Stuart was in brilliant form at King Tut's in Glasgow the other night, playing rock, punk, pop and blues. But he's not in favour of too much blues.
"Nothing worse than a whole show of blues music," he told his Glasgow audience. "Hell, I'd rather be hung in a field in Norwich than listen to that."
Point of view
KING Tut's a great place, although a bit on the compact side when a good crowd is in. We remember the chap who was fed up with the young woman gyrating to the music in front of him, and so he told her: "You're blocking the view."
Hardly missing a beat, she replied: "I am the view."
Old school ties
GLASGOW Labour MSP Drew Smith posted a motion at the Scottish Parliament congratulating Hyndland Secondary on its centenary year, and was approached by the SNP MSP Linda Fabiani who joked that he should have let her colleague Bill Kidd lodge the motion "as he was there on the opening day".
Drew was too much of a gentleman to point out that as Linda was also a former pupil of Hyndland School, and the same age as Bill, then she must have been standing in line beside him on opening day.
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.