FORGET if you can for a moment the tedious referendum stuff, global warming, storm and flood, and the ethnic origins of squirrels of all hues.

Ask instead what is happening in the world of super-Soapland. Already we have lost the magnificent Hayley Cropper from Coronation Street, played so superbly by Julie Hesmondhalgh, to terminal illness suicide. In the same airt we are to expect the murder of the feisty Tina McIntyre (no relation) and the demise of the pulchritudinous Michelle Keegan, pictured - already "in the can" in four different scenarios, we are told.

Now today we learn that down in Walford a similar fate soon befalls EastEnders' enigmatic Lucy Beale, portrayed by the mysterious Hetti Bywater.

Time was when hope was kept alive by the possibility that such favourites might yet return (except when the actual actor had sadly passed away), even if they never did. But now in this sad old world our fantasies are shattered, unless a Dallas-type subterfuge is employed.

Enough, Sir, enough. On behalf of all red-blooded males of 75 and over I register indignant protest.

The Rev J Ainslie McIntyre,

60 Bonnaughton Road,

Bearsden.