It is very kind of Scottish Labour leader Johann Lamont to enlist my help in solving the economic crisis.
By such measures as scrapping free NHS prescriptions and unfreezing council tax the local authority can go back to the old days of unfettered looting of my bank account.
Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, wants to take away the bus pass, winter heating allowance and other entitlements for which us pensioners fought in wars and worked our fingers to the bone.
I have nothing but admiration for Ms Lamont's inspirational oratory and awe-inspiring political vision. Likewise Mr Clegg's integrity and trustworthiness. But here are some items I would cut from the national budgets before my bus pass and prescriptions. In no particular order:
All royal visits, with the Queen going on a two-day week and only working from home. Staycations for the rest of the royals.
Party political conferences. Police protection only for polite politicians.
Christmas lights put on by councils.
The war in Afghanistan.
The £208,000-a-year job for an all-Scotland chief of police. He will be too busy travelling about to get any work done.
Any Government or council IT scheme that costs more than £299 out of PC World.
Any publicly funded job with strategy or sustainability in the title.
The BBC3 TV channel and Radio 1. Quite a lot of BBC 1 and BBC 2 as well.
Those dark, scary and expensive-looking uniforms worn by UK Border Agency staff. It's a permanent dress-down day at passport control?
Judges and sheriffs in outfits from George at ASDA instead of costly robes and wigs.
Save money on the street-cleaning budget by introducing a compulsory Standard grade in litter-picking.
Extensive cost-cutting can be done in the field of politics. Start by doing away with the post of Deputy Prime Minister.
Think of the savings if there was no Scottish involvement with or contribution to the Westminster Government.
Small but significant belt-tightening measures at the Scottish Parliament. Most of the Holyrood building is turned into a drop-in centre for local OAPs to keep warm when their heating allowance has run out.
The MSPs' private dining room becomes a public cafeteria. Johann Lamont is serving the afternoon teas.
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