WRITER Iain Pattison is turning the life story of Tommy Sheridan into a play which will be in a theatre near you in the autumn.
Pattison, creator of Govan's Rab C. Nesbitt, is well-placed to tell the tragic-comic tale of Tommy, the class warrior from nearby Pollok. It is titled I, Tommy. Which is a nod in the direction of I, Claudius. There being so much detail in the life of Sheridan, Mr Pattison will not have time in the stage production to cover Tommy's part in history whilst in previous incarnations:
80AD: Tommy is arrested by centurions after protesting at Julius Agricola imposing a poll tax in occupied territories but not in Rome itself. Makes the famous What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us speech.
463: Columba arrives in Scotland to build an Iona community centre. Locals tell him there already is one occupied by a bloke called Sheridan.
1314: Decisive moment in battle of Bannockburn as Sheridan, shop steward of the National Union of Camp Followers, persuades his members to suspend strike action and join the fray.
1492: Christopher Columbus is delayed on his way to America as Tommy asks to be dropped off to see the comrades in Cuba.
1637: Sheridan is arrested along with Jenny Geddes for throwing stools in St Giles in protest at introduction of new prayer book. Says he's not really bothered about anglicisation of Kirk, just fancied a demo.
1746: Tommy misses battle of Culloden because of prior commitment playing five a side football in Inverness. Says he meant to attend but game went into extra time while battle lasted only an hour.
1786: Wins 1000 guineas libel damages from Ye News of the Worlde for story alleging he had attended a party with Rabbie Burns in a swingers' club in Tarbolton on the occasion of the publication of the poet's Kilmarnock edition.
1867: Visits London to keep Karl Marx right on the theory of dialectical materialism and to co-write Das Kapital.
1914: Organises Christmas truce game of football in No Man's Land. Makes big impression on German soldiers who thereafter often call out "Hello, Tommy!" from their trenches.
1917. Goes to help Russian Revolution. Gets his own wee bunnet just like Lenin. Is arrested by Stalin's secret police and sent to gulag.
1964. Re-incarnated in the People's Republic of Pollok.
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