The good news for heavy drinkers is that they may qualify for a bigger pension.

The bad news is that they are unlikely to be around too long to collect it.

One estimate is that someone who necks four bottles of wine a week, or 15 pints of beer, would qualify for £2000 a year more than a non-drinker.

But please don't rush down to the Post Office on pension day with proof of excessive drinking habits. Equally there will be no point writing to the company pension scheme trustees requesting an increase in the monthly remittance.

The extra £2000 would come to those who have taken out a £100,000 pension pot annuity with an insurance company. The actuaries have decreed that customers in poor health or who make bad lifestyle choices should get a bigger monthly cheque because they are not expected to live for long.

The apparent generosity towards topers of the insurance industry is made possible by a blood test which can identify which pensioners have hidden liver damage caused by drinking. It is called the Southampton Traffic Light test. Because it was invented by hepatologists at Southampton University.

And because the results come in three categories. Green, you are highly unlikely to die from liver disease in the next five years. Amber, there may be some risk because of slight liver scarring. Red, your next drink could be your last.

There is, of course, that other colour diagnosis when the patient turns yellow and dies soon after.

I have not actually had the traffic light test but my consultant gastroenterologist has put my signal at red. Ticking the heavy drinker, type 2 diabetes, and obese boxes are other warning signs.

Far too many of my friends and colleagues, when diagnosed with liver failure and faced with the dismal and difficult prospect of never drinking alcohol again, headed to the bar and ordered a large one. Those who choose to exit this life with the help of alcohol may now do so with a little financial help from their life insurance company.

Me, I would rather stop at the traffic lights. If I can only stop those occasional moments of amber gambling with strong amber liquids. Tomorrow is another day. Choose a soda and lime, choose a smaller pension, choose a longer life.