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The Chambers of Love

GLASGOW City Chambers is now available for wedding ceremonies.

The marble and gold leaf magnificence offers a stunning backdrop for that special day.

Just be prepared for the municipal matrimonial vows- I promise to love, honour, obey and vote Labour. With all my worldly goods I thee endow, except for the council tax which I will render unto the city collector in 11 instalments each year.

Remember, matrimony is an honourable and solemn estate not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but with a development strategy using best practice and an action plan for service delivery as part of a joint futures initiative with European funding sourced where appropriate.

The couple must promise to have and to hold suitable planning permission and building control permits. They must reject all others but not on grounds of age, disability, gender re-assignment, race, religion or sexual orientation.

Only then will the returning officer for the said constituency (or whichever official is doing the ceremony) declare that those whom Glasgow City Council has joined in holy wedlock, let no other local authority put asunder.

A bailie will be best man, no brown envelopes required. Councillors will help eat the buffet.

In the grand reception hall, the Lord Provost could unite hundreds of couples at the same time, like those mass weddings by the Moonies. Or you can go "Glasvegas" style with a rhinestone-clad Sydney Devine lookalike. (Though Sydney himself might be cheaper.)

The Satinwood Suite is lovely. It has a balcony from which to wave to the crowds in George Square, and pose for a kiss, just like the Windsors at Buckingham Palace.

The entire wedding day can be captured on CCTV. The parking ticket slapped on the bridal car outside the City Chambers may be framed and kept as a memento.

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