My favourite put-down in one of my favourite films - Heathers, a pitch black 1980s high school comedy about three popular girls of that name who meet untimely ends - comes when a still living Heather is going through the locker of a recently deceased one in the company of their needy friend Veronica, played by Winona Ryder.
"Look," says Heather. "Heather left behind one of her Swatches. She'd want you to have it, Veronica - she always said you couldn't accessorise for s***."
Now I've never really considered accessorising a talent you can be good or bad at. But clearly some believe it is and I have reason to give thanks for that fact as I'm trying to smuggle a Tunnock's Caramel Wafer past the missus, who has recently issued a fatwa on said traditional Scottish delicacy. Unfortunately I've left a tell-tale inch of the famous red and gold wrapper poking out of the top of my jean pocket and she spots it. Silly me.
"Is that a biscuit?" she asks. "Or are you just trying to accessorise?"
Seeing a way out, I nod. She buys it. She gives me a "Good luck with that" roll of her eyes and I scurry past.
That was close. It gets me thinking, though: is this how trends start, through a pile-up of farce, embarrassment, accident and duplicity?
I'd like to think it is. I'd like to think that when Paul Weller went on Top Of The Pops in 1980 wearing an inside-out Heinz Tomato Soup apron it wasn't an ill-judged attempt to start a new trend or comment on his unwanted role as poster boy for the so-called mod revival. He'd simply been in the middle of cooking his tea when he got a call from his manager saying: "Going Underground's at No.1! Grab your guitar and get on a bus to TV Centre." And he'd forgotten to take it off.
The reversible apron trend never caught on, to Weller's immense relief I'm sure. But one that did was boyband Bros's habit of using tops from Grolsch beer bottles in place of laces.
A clever marketing ploy by the Dutch brewer in conjunction with the band's stylist? Or did Scottish Bros-er Craig Logan get banjaxed in a style bar one night and think it would be funny to sabotage the shoes of bandmates Matt and Luke Goss while they were asleep?
However it happened, the streets and playgrounds of Britain were soon resounding to the rattle of ceramic and alloy on leather.
There are plenty others where they came from. I'm guessing Michael Jackson just forgot one of his gloves in the hurry to get on stage and that's how that trend started.
But I have absolutely no idea how Morrissey could have ended up with a bunch of flowers in his back pocket. That one didn't take - perhaps things would have turned out differently if he'd used a biscuit instead.
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