ONE of the great things about being a man in these northern climes is that for the nine months of the Scottish winter you don't have to worry about any colour other than the one your football team wears to get thumped in on Saturdays, and whichever shade of brown it is your loved one demands of her morning cup of tea.

But come the glory day(s) of summer, everything changes. Suddenly, colour is everywhere and some of it is expected to be covering your chest and, if you're the sort to go down the lemon yellow chino route to all-out fashion ridicule, your thighs, calves and ankles. Every year the fancy names change - from cranberry to plum, pistachio to asparagus, ketchup to thousand island dressing - but every year the message is the same: pack away your greys and blacks and get with the programme. The colour programme.

This year's no different. If you watched Sunday's conclusion to the Masters, you'll have already had an entree into the world of colour and perhaps been emboldened by the sight of so many grown men in such silly shades of red, blue, green and fluorescent yellow (yes Rory McIlroy, I do mean you). Wander down the high street today and you'll see even more of it. Before you know what's hit you you'll be picking out your holiday T-shirts in M&S and asking: "Lavender, Toasted Almond or both?"

Well, if you must, you must. But choosing the right hue isn't as easy as just going into a shop and picking the first thing at random that isn't the colour of slurry. The idea, it seems, is to wear colours that don't clash with your skin tone. Mine is grey with psoriasis-y bits here and there in the same variety of red and pinks as you'll find in a Krispy Kreme outlet. So, using my handy skin tone colourwheel, I've determined that I should either wear green (which would be a complementary colour) or purple and orange (known in the trade as analogous colours). Either way I'll look like something from the ice lolly cabinet, but I suppose nobody will be looking at my grey, blotchy face, which is a plus.

There is some good news, though. While clothes in primary colours - or Crayola colours, as fashion types like to call them - are certainly plentiful, there's a strong trend towards subtler shades as well. These are known as "jewel-like tones" in the biz. Talking to the Wall Street Journal about just this very subject, fashion house Berluti's artistic director Alessandro Sartori said: "Bright colours represent that feeling of Cote d'Azur, that retro feel, or active sport ... What I think is more interesting is something more elaborate and rich." His colour tips? "Aubergine, petrol blue, deep forest and pond green."

Add a dash of our old friends grey and brown as "master colours" (you're allowed them, apparently) and suddenly you have something resembling the Campsie Fells in a summer downpour. Now that's the kind of colour palette I can work with.