You can tell a lot about a man from the trainers he wears.
If you want to know immediately what a man is like, look at his feet. I did a lot of looking and, from my extensive research on the streets, I have identified the following tribes of trainer men:
Nike Air Max - into dance music, wears bright clothing in an "ironic" way.
Adidas Gazelle - still listens to Oasis, wears parkas, thinks Bono is a "total dude".
Onitsuka Tiger - buys organic food, listens to obscure EPs, wears plaid shirts.
Superga sneakers - a total hipster cliche.
Puma Suede Classic - my dad's trainer of choice in the 1970s, favoured nowadays by men with beards and a penchant for vinyl records.
Prada Sport trainers - worn by men with designer stubble and doused in Tom Ford cologne.
My all-time favourite trainers are a pair of black, white and coral Nike Air Jordans that I had in the 1980s and wore with shellsuits.
They were comfy, cool and I never took them off. Nike Air Jordan trainers had an appeal that crossed age and gender boundaries. To have a pair was to be cool.
The modern day equivalent of this must surely be Converse Chuck Taylor All Star trainers.
I don't know a man who doesn't possess a pair: my partner, my dad, my brothers and even my nephews are fans. My boss has been known to don a pair when a casual Friday mood strikes the office.
First launched in 1917, the classic basketball shoe went on to become one of the most iconic and recognisable fashion items of the 20th century.
They are unique in the fashion world in the sense that their popularity and ubiquitousness doesn't seem to detract from the brand's appeal.
I knew my partner and I would hit it off when we first met after he professed his love for Converse high tops.
He has not been completely faithful to these sneakers over the years.
There was a brief flirtation with a particularly heinous pair of banana yellow trainers that he picked up in the Schuh sale and a longer drawn-out courtship with a pair of brown DC skate shoes.
However, he always returns to the home comforts of his classic collection of Converse Chuck Taylors.
You can dabble all you want with the latest trends, new colourways, niche brands and limited edition designs, but once you find that perfect trainer for you, that trainer tribe in which you belong, don't desert it.
Your choice of trainer tells us all we need to know about you.
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