I'm a fan of Marco Pierre White.

That thing he did with the stock cube and the chicken breast? Come on, you tried it, didn't you? And I once saw him successfully blind taste test different fast food chain burgers live on telly. The fact he risked any of it, at all, in a food world that still gives too much elbow room to the boringly pretentious was either brave, game or endearingly mad. Or maybe he was just well paid.

Anyway, tonight his big, braw, formerly-three-Michelin-starred coupon is emblazoned on gigantic black-and-white posters throughout this huge, pretending-very-hard-not-to-be-a-hotel-dining room. Is it putting us off? No. Certainly not. In fact, that's what we're paying for, isn't it? The feelgood factor of having yet another celebrity-endorsed chain restaurant to line up alongside Jamie's Italian and Carluccio's, both just down the road from here. None of the above, of course, involving any of the chefs in question being anywhere near the Glasgow kitchens. Did MPW even come north for the opening?

It doesn't put us off, though. Not as much as the somewhat deflating sight of table after table of solitary businessmen who may or may not be not staying in the adjoining Hotel Indigo tonight. Sorry, did I imply that this is a hotel restaurant? It's not. It's a steakhouse imported all the way from London, including the prices. In fact, at first glance the prices seem to be imported from somewhere more expensive than that. It's £9.50 for a smoked salmon starter without a specified source.

You're expecting the food to be rubbish, aren't you? Some of it is, but not all of it. The 10oz rib-eye at £27 is pretty nice. It's seared, caramelised and rare inside with the slightest hint of a crust as it cuts. We aren't talking smoked in oak chips a la Bradley Ogden or even something in the style of the sensational Parisian restaurant Le Relais de l'Entrecote. In fact, we haven't moved on much since Reo Stakis invented the steakhouse in this very city 50 years ago. I don't suppose Reo told us where he sourced his steak from either. Sadly, the so-called real chips that come with the steak are soggy from being boiled in oil rather than fried and reek of the stuff. The onion rings are also greasy. You kind of expect the chips to be good in a steakhouse, don't you?

As for the £16 steak burger, it has a seared crust and comes with quite a lot of fresh lettuce and tomato, but is served in a poor and not very fresh-tasting bun. It's accompanied by those awful chips too. Both our portions go back to the kitchen largely untouched. Nobody notices. Even when it is pointed out in response to the obligatory "how was your meal?", the waitress sprints off to tell the chef and no mention is made of them again. Except in the bill. We also had a free-range pork sausage and mash, which not only sounds like generically-sourced chain restaurant food but tasted like it too. OK, the mash was certainly buttery and sieved and the gravy plentiful, but nothing special.

To start we had the Best Of British, a sharing platter costing £17. Glamorgan cheese sausage? Full of leek and cheese and yet pleasant. There were some perfectly good slices of cured ham too, though we had to ask where it came from. The Lake District, apparently. Black pudding, from goodness knows where, was fine, and a cold and clammy potted duck was underseasoned. All were served with huge quantities of picallili, chutney and a compote loaded into fashionable kilner jars. We liked the pear compote even when we realised it was actually apple. But if the contents of the platter are as well sourced as you'd expect from its title, you'd think the menu would say so.

Overall then? The service was good. The food? Hey, it's not like MPW is actually in the kitchen.

Marco Pierre White Steakhouse

75 Waterloo Street, Glasgow (www.mpwsteakhouseglasgow.co.uk, 0141 226 7726)

Menu

Steaks, plus a generic-sounding menu of mysteriously sourced staples, including a fish pie by Wheeler's of St James. 2/5

Atmosphere

Pleasant enough but full of single male diners when we were in. Nothing to do with it being in a hotel of course. Ho-hum decor. 3/5

Service

Staff seem to be following a tired-and-tested chain restaurant script but they do so with genuine smiles and a bounce that pays off. 4/5

Price

They're having a laugh with starter prices - smoked salmon is £9.50 and camembert £8.50. Main courses start at £14, with steaks £27. 2/5

Food

The steak was caramelised, seared and by far the best thing we ate. Chips were soggy and sweet, the rest pretty much chain restaurant food. 5/10

TOTAL 16/30