OFF to eat at 1pm on the dot.

Slap, bang in the heart of Glasgow. I rarely lunch in town these days as it's largely an uncomfortable, crowded experience involving lots of trying to find seats and much watching of clocks. Tick, tock. Not so in the newly opened restaurant of the Western Club until now one of those quirky and almost secret little places that flourish in London and Edinburgh, but you'd be forgiven for being surprised still survives in wonderfully irreverent Glasgow.

Through a nondescript little door beside Thomas Pink and Co; through a graceful entrance and on up stairs to a long elegant dining room in various soothing and fashionable shades of grey. Tick-silence-tock is the pace now. The world zooming frenetically by on Royal Exchange Square below while in here it's seems to be...1985?

The waiting staff are formally dressed, the tables are in white linen and the cool of the maitre d' is only mildly dented when my companion Garry replies to the question of what sir would like to drink with his luncheon by replying: "a pint".

If there was a string quartet playing, and there probably should be, it would have stopped to the sound of bow screeching over strings. But when we cock our ears that low level whine in the background that passes for music is actually limp rock gods Foreigner and it continues apace as sir is gently steered to a craft beer in a bottle.

There's something unsettling about hearing: "I wanna know what love is, I wanya to tell me," whilst the waiter is delivering fresh baked rolls. An elderly gentlemen - could it be the Chooky Argyll himself - is wandering by in a spiffing kilt ensemble, and table upon table of grey haired seniors murmur away at the tables in what we take to be the posher end of the room.

Needless to say when I walked in the waiter took one look at me and seated me right next to the door. But who are these people, we wonder. Members from the Western Club upstairs, it's entrance barred to the hoi polloi by a firm but discreet sign on the stair?

The club continues but does not run this restaurant in what was presumably once it's dining room. The food? Yes, I'm coming to that.

We're ordering from the "market menu" a term that chefs increasingly use these days while either completely ignoring or inward chuckling at the supremely rich irony. Let's just say if you see the word market on a menu it's often safer to mentally place the word "super" in front of it rather than the words "freshy sourced at the local".

Anyway, soup, waldorf salad, crotin goat's cheese and chicken liver parfait and that's all your starters. Fawlty Towers allusions aside they're all easily prepared in advance of service. Ho, hum. Struggling to find anything we actually want, we plump for a very average chicken liver parfait served in a rather too-large portion.

A waldorf salad turns out to be crushed walnut in a chicken mousse with some light leaves atop. Different, but too bland.

From the equally unadventurous main selection - liver, salmon, chicken and risotto - we have the lamb's liver and the chicken breast. The liver is nicely cooked, the mash indeed creamy and the shallot jus holds it all together well.

The chicken? What can you say about chicken in a light chicken jus? Fine, not memorable, not in any way bad, just dull.

We have desserts but they continue on the same theme, uninspiring choices, good presentation, muted favours and the base of that cold chocolate and hazelnut tart is undercooked and overthick.

Would I come back for the food? Er, no. Would I come back for the peaceful dining room, the respite from the madding crowd and the smooth, but swift service that delivered a safe if instantly forgettable lunch in just over an hour? Possibly.

The Western Dining Club,

132 Royal Exchange Square,

Glasgow

0141 248 2214

Menu: It's not actually in the club but the theme is there and if not quite designed to be eaten through a straw it's safe, classic and, frankly, more than a little dull. 2

Service: Service is swift, generally attentive when needed, though they did have to be called a couple of times. Pleasant and a little bit old-fashioned formal. 4

Price: We ate from the market menu which was two courses for £16, three for £19. Not exactly cheap and the dinner prices look borderline silly but given the setting not too expensive. 4

Atmosphere: Lovely soothing dining room looking down on me of Glasgow's classic squares - worth the admission price alone. 5

Food: Professionally presented and prepared, just let down by the sheer dullness of the choices and the lack of sourcing at this price. 6