Big news, at least if you have £1 million to spare and you think Versailles would be OK if it had a little more gold trim: fashion brand Versace is about to start doing houses.

Well, flats actually. Promising "the ultimate in branded living experiences", the Aykon Nine Elms development in London is a 50-storey tower whose pricey apartments will be fitted out entirely in Versace. So if you're worth a couple of billion and you like to dress head-to-toe in the stuff, you can now augment the experience by giving your home a floor-to-ceiling Versace makeover too.

The only thing the super-rich like more than admiring themselves in a mirror, goes the thinking, is admiring themselves in a Versace mirror hung on a wall decorated in Versace wallpaper while sipping Darjeeling poured from a Versace teapot. I don't expect the oxygen pumped through the air conditioning system in the new flats is Versace-branded, but now that I've posited the idea in print I expect someone at the label's Milan HQ is already working on it. I'll take 10 per cent, guys.

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When Versace launched the project in London earlier this month, it chose the luxurious Dorchester Hotel as its shop window. Among the motors parked outside, noted one eagle-eyed reporter, were a Range Rover in mirrored gold and a couple of Rollers in red and electric blue. No prizes for guessing where the cars' owners were headed. Take-up was good, too: although the building won't open for business until 2020, 23 of the 50 floors sold out.

Makes you think though, doesn't it? I mean, what will a Versace doorbell sound like? How will a Versace toilet seat feel under buttocks tired from a day spent making phone calls in a Lear jet? What quality of light will a Versace bulb throw on a Damien Hirst spin painting? A richer sort, presumably.

I have more questions: are you allowed books in this antiseptically awful environment? Is there a drawer for rubber bands, loose change, dead birthday candles and those funny-shaped plasters no injury could possibly require? And will klaxons sound and black-uniformed private security guards arrive if you try to put baggy grey M&S Y-fronts into the commode? Apparently the lucky owners get flown out to Milan to choose their fittings, but they could equally well be black op'd over there on a rendition flight to face a water-boarding (sparkling, naturally) for their perceived lack of taste.

Now my house is already fairly heavily Ikea-branded so I'm not sure I'm going to be going down the Nine Elms/million quid/Versace tap route to domestic nirvana. But I quite like the idea of clothing labels and retailers doing interior design makeovers. I'd baulk at a cashmere toilet seat by Pringle but I'd love to see what Vivienne Westwood could do with a kids' playroom. And who hasn't dreamed of a JD Sports-themed living room complete with Nike swoosh wallpaper, flammable rayon carpets, sofas upholstered in grey marl sweatshirt material and a motorised La-Z-Boy reclining armchair shaped like a massive New York Yankees baseball cap?

Huh. Liars, every one of you ...