GREAT to see so many restaurants taking pride in where their ingredients come from.

Some though might have missed the point. As Bobby Bell tells us: "My wife and her friend were in a restaurant in Airdrie. The menu advised diners all fish was locally sourced. My wife asked, 'How do you get locally sourced fish in Airdrie?' The waitress replied, 'It comes from a fishmonger in Coatbridge'."

WE like the way golfers can be so cruel to their playing partners. The hardy ones are still out there, playing off the winter tees. Says Jim Morrison: "Standing on the first tee at Erskine Golf Club recently, one of the elderly golfers about to tee off announced, 'Im playing a Srixon no 4.' 'Don't worry,' said one of his playing partners rather ungraciously. 'We will still be able to see the name on it after you hit it'."

SOME offices still have their Christmas parties on their own premises which always seems a tad risky. A dubious member of staff watching the transformation of his office into a party area was heard to comment: "I can see what looks like party games. If this turns into a team building exercise, I'm hiding in the bogs."

READERS are still unravelling their toilet roll stories. Says Allan Mackintosh: "Whilst a student at Glasgow Uni in the late 70s I remember reluctantly heading to the toilet cubicles within the Men's Union. I remember it being reluctantly as the standard issue toilet paper was the infamously uncomfortable Izal. On the inside of one cubicle door was scratched, 'Have you purchased your post-Izal swabs and bandages?'"

I KNOW we still have Christmas and Hogmanay to look forward to, but that first Old Firm game in three years on the first Sunday in February is also on the minds of many folk. As Alexander Gordon tells us: "The match has created a dilemma for one bridegroom. I overheard a young man who is about to get married tell his pal in a Glasgow pub, 'I mean it's the first Old Firm game in years, and it falls the day after the wedding. Now she is saying that I am being unreasonable by suggesting we fly out on the Monday, and not the Sunday."

CONGRATULATIONS to BBC China reporter Martin Patience from Eaglesham who has been named as Young Alumnus of the Year at Glasgow University. Previous winners include Olympic gold medal rower Katherine Grainger, singer Emile Sande and novelist Christopher Brookmyre. It reminds us of course of when Martin was working in Jerusalem, and had gone to a hotel to interview a chap who had booked in as Jesus Christ - it happens so often that it even has its own name, the Jerusalem Syndrome. The receptionist told Martin that Jesus had booked out and he had missed him, but seeing how crestfallen Martin looked she shouted after him: "But we have a John the Baptist if that's any use."

YOU'VE got the hang of the festive competition. Change one letter in a film title to make a more interesting one.

Taxi Drivel - Robert De Niro learns the patter to drive a black hack in Glasgow (Alistair Hems).

The Bishop's WiFi - troubled cleric uses Twitter to ask for God's help (Allan Hester).

Rucky - Sylvester Stallone in rugby drama (James Campbell).

Heath in Venice - Sad tale of former PM reduced to working as a gondolier (Stewart Roy).

Drainspotting - Edinburgh council's rehab programme for ex-addicts in their sewerage department (Tom Easson).

Meal for two in the splendid Western Club restaurant for the winner and a copy of the new Diary book, Another Stoater for the runner-up.

A DAFT piece of whimsy for this time of year? Says a reader: "It's outrageous that we allow so many birds to migrate in winter, 'claiming' it's for food, when it's blatantly for tax reasons."