WE don't really want to stumble back into Edinburgh's snobbish disdain of Glasgow, but we may be addicted. Says George Wishart, now in Dumfries and Galloway: "Having just moved from Glasgow to Embra with our two Scottie dogs we introduced ourselves to the neighbours. Shortly afterwards we found on our doorstep a poly bag containing dog poo and a note from a neighbour. The note asked us to pick up our dog poo. The poo in question looked as though it had been produced by a Bull Mastiff, not a wee Scottie, but being good neighbours we placed it in our bin.

"The note concluded by stating that the neighbour had known that the enclosed poo must have been from our dogs because the road had always been clean before we arrived from Glasgow."

AND Derek Service swears to us that an Edinburgh woman in Comely Bank was heard telling her pal: "Thank God for Sainsbury's, keeping the riff-raff out of Waitrose."

A READER tells us about a Monday morning conversation at work where folk were chatting about what they did at the weekend. One chap said he'd spent the weekend installing a toilet and wash basin. Our reader thought this was mightily impressive, but it was only on quizzing him for further details that he discovered it was actually in the chap's daughter's dolls house.

AS the tourists arrive in Scotland for the summer, Charles Fletcher tells us he stopped at the lovely Lochaline Hotel on the west coast where he read a notice on the front door which apologised for food not being available "Due to unforeseen circumstances - the chef went walkabout." Says Charles: "The door was swept open and a woman hollered she could do us a drink. 'Sorry, we were looking for something to eat,' I said. 'Well I'm looking for a chef,' she replied. 'If you want the job, you've got it. Immediate start.'

"I was so tempted."

SELLING houses continued. Says Debbie Meehan: "Years ago we were selling our semi-detached villa, and had a couple who viewed it, only to comment, 'We are really looking for a bungalow.'

"Months later, I was really surprised when the same couple returned. They viewed the house again, made the exact same comment, and only on their way out of the house said to me, 'Have we viewed this house before?'"

FORMER Rangers player Kris Boyd has appeared in publicity material for a Glasgow clinic offering hair transplants. Not ever football fan was impressed. One wondered if Kris was looking for a disguise so that no one would recognise him after his disappointing season. And another went down the pun road by declaring: "By the end of the season he had become a fringe player. No wonder he didn't make the cut."

But the most cutting was the chap who remarked: "A gastric band would have been more appropriate."