How disrespectful to the late Margaret Thatcher can you get?
She didn't want a state funeral. But David Cameron has gone ahead and organised one, most likely for the feel-good factor.
It's not really a state funeral apart from the Queen and Prince Philip. And 700 soldiers, sailors and RAF personnel in attendance. And a gun carriage. And half of London closed off. Not to mention a bill to the taxpayer estimated at £10 million. A waste, considering Mrs T probably had one of those funeral insurance policies Michael Parkinson sells on the TV. Hope she got good use of the Parker pen.
In keeping with her free-market philosophy of no state interference, Mrs T's farewell should be privatised. Put in the hands of a consortium of companies who did well from her sale of the British family jewels. Tickets should start at £1000 (plus handling fee). Ticketus (of Rangers season ticket fame) might want to handle the event, as it is code-named Operation True Blue.
The pinko left-wing BBC would have no part in the TV coverage. It will be in the hands of the commercial channels which have benefited from deregulation. Look out for 20 minutes of adverts per hour during the coverage. Half-an-hour when repeated on Dave.
It will be more showbiz than your average state funeral. Hosted by Ant and Dec with Tory-supporting celebrities in abundance. Jimmy Tarbuck paying respects on behalf of the city of Liverpool. Ronnie Corbett as a pall-bearer?
Apparently, Roger Daltrey of The Who endorsed Mrs Thatcher in the 1979 General Election. He can sing Won't Get Fooled Again. The Co-op won't be doing the purvey. It will be provided by the food monopolies that thrived in Thatcher's Britain. Look out for horses in the buffet as well as the funeral procession.
There will be displays of a military nature. Why not a cycle past of unemployed on their way to seek work? The salute will be taken by Lord Tebbit. A parade of people in wheelchairs passed as fit to work, sponsored by Atos.
Mounted police will enact a memorial baton-charge on any miners who turn up. There will be displays of folkloric kettling of student protesters. Vigilante Tory ladies from the shires will handbag other perpetrators of treasonable behaviour. In schools all over the land, packed lunches will be searched and milk confiscated.
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