MAY Day isn’t what it used to be for Scottish Labour. In times past, thirsty supporters would have spent the workers’ holiday at a miners’ gala. These days it’s all hands to the patisserie.
Reduced to one MP, the party has circled the wagons round Ian Murray in Edinburgh South.
It’s been a strange journey for the People’s Party, from Red Clydeside to Cerise Morningside.
But Mr Murray embraced it yesterday, ignoring the siren call of a pasty-lined Greggs to campaign with his neighbour Alistair Darling at a “Bruntsfield Boulangerie” two doors down.
It was not a good start. Anxious to avoid being snapped outside a branch of bailed-out RBS, the pair approached on the other side of the street, past a restaurant called Himalaya.
So the photographers grabbed them in front of a mountain to climb instead.
Visual metaphor over, they slipped into La Barantine to meet what the party calls “young Labour activists”, and what everyone calls random students.
“All you need is love, a coffee & pain au chocolat”, said the A-board outside the cafe.
If only it were that simple. What Mr Murray needs are thousands of tactical voters to back him on a pro-Union ticket and stop the SNP’s Jim Eadie nabbing the seat.
And who better to tickle them than the former chair of the No campaign?
Mr Darling is well-known in these parts. And not just at the Waitrose down the road.
“It’s the guy with the eyebrows,” one passerby informed his companion.
The former Chancellor has eyebrow recognition, you see.
“Oh, it’s thingy,” said another punter, spotting the great man gesticulating to a choux bun.
After denying the young activists the spring sunshine for a good half-hour, Mr Darling’s minders finally shooed them out and admitted the press.
“Help yourself to cake,” said Mr Murray, pointing to the mutilated remains of a croissant.
A legendary Hearts fan, a macaroon of deepest green lay unscathed before him.
All went relatively well until Mr Darling was asked to endorse Labour's leader.
Mr Darling couldn’t bear to mention Jeremy Corbyn by name.
“Well, he is the leader,” he said, frowning as if he wanted to plant his tiny fork in his jugular. “He’s the leader right up until the general election. You know, leaders come and go.”
Warming to his theme, Mr Darling said Labour’s best bet was as a “sensible, sizeable opposition”, before unconvincingly trying to fix his Freudian slip by adding: “Members of, er, you know, a government that can actually make a difference.”
Mr Murray was asked how awful Mr Corbyn was.
“This is a straight fight between Labour and the SNP,” he grinned in horror.
Afterwards, it being Edinburgh South, Mr Eadie brought up quantum physics.
“Ian Murray appears to be Schrödinger's candidate - Labour are trying to pretend a vote for Ian Murray is a vote both for and against Jeremy Corbyn as Prime Minister.”
More zingers like that, and Mr Murray could still get his gateau and eat it.
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